Asalam alikum, I am 23 years old man and my parents want me to get married with someone they have selected for me. The problem is that I like my cousin and want to marry her, she is Hafiz Quran and Hadees, she is a very pious girl, observes hijab and very conservative. My parents don’t agree to this for a few reasons, first because her elder brother is married to my elder sister, so they are afraid that any future fights in my married life may affect my sisters life, second reason is that my cousin remains sick very often, and so my parents don’t agree. I had asked a Muftee to make Istekhara whether I should marry her or not, and he said that the results look good. I have also found from my elder sister that my cousin also likes me very much. We have just met once when we were about the age of 16. My question is can I force my parents (politely and respectfully) although they are strongly opposing to this marriage, because its my right of selection or should I just obey to what they have selected for me. I feel very depressed to break the heart of either that girl and my parents.
We commend you for looking at Deen when seeking qualities of a wife-to-be. you are looking at Deen. However, perhaps you should make Istikhaara and gently also ask your parents to make Istikhaara.
Remember, but don’t despair ? if you are not very sure or don’t feel very positive after Istikhaara, for perchance, although both of you may be excellent personalities, but may not be compatible or there may be a rocky road ahead. However, if otherwise ? positive ? consult gently, discuss the fears, ask some elders to intervene. It is important to receive the blessings of your parents. Also consider the mother-in-law / daughter-in-law relationship. If sour, will also adversely affect your relationship with your wife.
Look at all the pros and cons. Discuss your feelings and concerns with them, make your Istikhaara and then make your decision. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and grant you a good marriage partner who will be an asset to you in Deen and with whom you enjoy a blissful future with pious children, Aameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai