Salaam, My question pretains to my current situation, I hope it will be answered as quick as possible JazakAllah Khayran.
I am 19 yeras old and living with my father, who refuses to allow me to go University.
I have talked to him more than a dozen times to allow me to go. I am an Aalima and I have knowledge that he does trust me. He allows my brothers to attend uni, but will not allow me to go.
I have asked many people for advice on this topic and many are telling me to leave home.
I value the relatioship I have with my father, but he will not allow me to leave the home and do anything of that sort. It has become ultimately frustrating and I need advice on what to do.
I have spoken to him many many times but all he does is swears at me and tells me to be quiet and do as he says.
Coming from a knowledgebale background regarding Islam, I am fully aware this is not how women should be treated in Islam.
I want to know if it will be permissible for me to leave home.
I have no intention of doing Haraam, simply to get my eduaction that I need and go fruthur with it.
JazakAllah.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
The environment in colleges and universities is very challenging for ones Iman. The free interaction between boys and girls causes a fracture in ones Iman. Even a person with strong Iman is prone to eventually fall in for the temptations of one’s desires. It is like placing butter next to fire and expecting the butter not to melt or placing metal next to a magnet and expect it not to react or touching a live wire and expecting not to get shocked.
Furthermore, although you may be sincere in advancing your studies, many sincere girls get caught up in the mixed university environment. Incidents of female abuse, rape, pregnancy, and drugs in university are well known and a common read in prints and electronic media.
Facts and Statistics on Sexual Abuse
Ø 1 in 4 college women will be the victim of sexual assault during her academic career.
Ø 27% of college women have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact.
Ø The Association of American Universities (AAU) Campus Survey on Sexual Assault, one of the largest studies ever of college sexual violence, drew responses from Campus Climate Surveys of 150,000 students across 27 schools, including most of the Ivy League schools. It found that more than 20% of female and 5% of male undergraduates said that they were victims of non-consensual sexual contact, defined as behaviours ranging from unwanted sexual touching or kissing to penetration, through either physical force or incapacitation, since entering college.
Ø The Sexual Victimization of College Women. National Institute of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics. Findings from this report include: It is estimated that the percentage of completed or attempted rape victimization among women in higher educational institutions may be between 20% and 25% over the course of a college career. Among college women, 9 in 10 victims of rape and sexual assault knew their offender. Almost 12.8% of completed rapes, 35% of attempted rapes, and 22.9% of threatened rapes happened during a date.
Ø Reported Campus Rapes Nearly Double from year to year.
Ø Student pregnancies at tertiary institutions worldwide are increasing every year despite the assumption that students have sufficient knowledge of the risks of unprotected sex.[1]
Furthermore, Shariah emphasizes the importance of respecting one’s parents. One must always show respect to one’s parents. Do not let your emotions affect your relationship with your parents.
Allah Ta’ala says:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا (العنكبوت: ٨)
Translation: “And we have enjoined upon Mankind showing compassion to parents” (Al-Ankaboot: 8)
Your father only wishes the best for you. He loves you unconditionally. He has your interest at heart. You cannot equate the interests of others for you to your fathers love and interests for you. There are innumerable real examples of people who went against their father’s advise in going to universities and ended up emotionally warped. What is the point of being mentally educated and emotionally drained?
Yes, we do acknowledge that there may be counter arguments to this approach. However, as Muslims we are guided by Deen. While you may wish to go to a university, you may end up losing the prestige and honour which Allah has bestowed on you. You should consider the prestige Islam has bestowed upon you over the possibility of putting your Iman at risk.
You may consider taking online courses and educate yourself from home.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Abdullah Syed Sajid
Student Darul Iftaa
Houston, TX, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
______
[1] https://www.washjeff.edu/asap/facts
https://www.campussafetymagazine.com/clery/10-campus-sexual-violence-facts-you-should-remember/
https://www.winthrop.edu/victimsassistance/default.aspx?id=38994
https://www.nsvrc.org/saam/campus-resource-list
https://www.thecrimson.com/image/2015/10/2/sexual-offenses-harvard-type-graph/