Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
My sister was about to get married, but her suitor died young. She said she will not get married in this world because she wants to marry him in Paradise. My sister is a practicing Muslim; she follows Allah’s commands, alhamdulillah. Is this allowed in Islam?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your sister’s pain and suffering and I pray that she recovers and heals from this traumatizing event.
Marriage is not obligatory in Islam, so I cannot tell you what she is doing is haram. However, she needs time to heal and deserves to take all the time she needs. I would give her 1-2 years to let the pain pass until she regains some sense of normality.
Eventually, explain to her that choosing celibacy can cause fornication and unhealthy temptations. Also, explain to her that having children brings one a joy that nothing else can bring. And that marriage completes one religion and is an excellent sunna.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast, for it will diminish his desire.” [Ibn Maja]
Don’t Punish Yourself
Most of all, tell her that her suitor would not have wanted her to live this way and that everyone deserves a chance at living the sunna in this world. Tell her not to feel bad about his passing away because of this famous hadith. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The world is a prison for the believer and Paradise for the disbeliever.” [Tirmidhi]
We, the ones left behind, feel the pain. On the contrary, those successful believers who returned to their Lord are in bliss.
Please see these links for excellent tips:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.