Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am a 17-year-old boy living in the UK. My mother’s family is manipulative. My mother, as her nature is to always go the extra mile, has tried her best to keep the ties. I have seen the manipulation since I can remember and I am not close to them as I rarely talk to my cousins. Where do I stand in this situation? If my mom cuts off the relationship, I would automatically also have to cut them off. So will I be sinful for cutting family ties?
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you and your mother have suffered so much at the hands of your family. I pray that changes their hearts and that your family’s love is rekindled.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said what he narrated from Allah, Most High, that He has said, “O My slaves, I have made oppression unlawful for myself and I have made it unlawful among you, so do not oppress one another.” [Muslim]
It is obligatory to protect oneself from abuse. If your mother cuts them off for this reason, and you follow suit, then neither of you are sinful.
Plan to Forgive
I recommend, as I was taught, to hate their actions and not them, and to intend to reconcile when you sense a change in them. You may find that seeing them minimally is sufficient, or you may need to cut them off as you mention. Eventually, forgive them as this is a high trait of noble character and eventually we hope that Allah forgives us on the Day of Judgment. May Allah make it easy for you to navigate through this.
Please see these links for more details on cutting ties of kinship:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.