Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I’m a 17-year-old girl, and I’ve been abused by my parents my whole life. My dad tried to kill me three times but got a heart attack each time right before he tried. My mom has emotionally and physically abused me and has repeatedly used Islam as a weapon against me; I don’t know what’s true anymore.
My parents have trapped me in every way and I’ll be forced to get married by 25 years old. I’m not allowed to choose what to study. They say whoever disobeys their parents, their parents can kill or abuse them. They tell me they are protecting me by doing this. I tried to commit suicide countless times, and I’m very depressed. I want to move in with my best friend (a girl) at 18 without them knowing because I don’t want to die.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain, and I pray that you come to a resolution with your parents and learn to communicate.
Any kind of abuse is prohibited in Islam, and no parent has the right to abuse, nor obviously, kill their child. If you fear physical harm, never hesitate to call the police or remove yourself from the situation as best as you can. That being said, there are some coping mechanisms that you can try while you are still living at home and have to deal with them.
Kindly check this link:
How to Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents
I urge you to learn the rulings of Islam to the best of your ability. A Muslim does not use Islam, nor the Quran against a person, to appease their egos or achieve a worldly benefit. Instead, Islam is a religion of peace, submission, good character, mercy, and generosity. Please take a free course with us, and take out some time to connect with the book of Allah and with this perfect religion.
Kindly check out the SeekersGuidance curriculum:
The SeekersGuidance Steps Curriculum Explained
It is permissible for you to move out, but only you can decide whether this is better for you. Will it make things worse? Will they physically drag you back home? I urge you to pray istikhara, consult a local scholar, elder, or relative on the issue and even sit down and explain to your parents that you wish for more communication and compromise. Supplication is your key, and I encourage you to supplicate your heart out whenever you get the chance. Supplicate at night before dawn, during the last hour of Friday before maghrib, and after each obligatory prayer.
Find solace in this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]
Relationships with parents usually improve over time, so you can expect and pray that your parents will be quite different as you grow up, move out, get a job, marry and have kids. Be sure not to repeat the abusive cycle.
Please see these links as well:
How Should I Handle Abusive Parents?
Dealing With a Dysfunctional Relationship With Parents
Can I Move Out Due to Abusive Parents and Siblings?
How Should I Deal With Parents Who Abuse Me in Every Manner?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.