Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have been dating a good Muslim girl for a while but our relationship is only based on chatting about daily stuff, nothing else. We don’t go out on dates at all, we just chat. She is a very practicing girl and she changed me a lot and this is why I don’t want to let go of her. She’s studying and I’m going to start. Is our relationship bad, and if yes, then how bad? Minor sin or major sin?
Thank you for your question. May Allah Most High reward you for having taqwa and for wanting to protect yourself from spiritual harm. What you are doing is not right.
Gender interaction rulings must be followed at all times, whether in person, online, or on the phone. Allah Most High knows us better than we know ourselves, and for that reason has commanded us to lower our gazes with the opposite gender. Our Lord said, “˹O Prophet!˺ Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” [Quran, 24:30]
Anything beyond this would naturally be crossing the limits. As such, dating someone through text message is not permissible and both of you should free up your minds and hearts from each other for the sake of Allah. Trust me, you will be happier after the pain subsides.
Make sincere repentance for this texting relationship, and intend never to get involved with a girl like this again, unless you are at the precipice of a proposal. Please see the details here:
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba? (Transcript) – Ustadh Abdullah Misra
If you are really serious about her and truly respect her, don’t let her be tethered to you emotionally, and let her go. If she truly has taught you to be a more practicing person, then apply that to your life, now. Tell her that you will come back after finishing your studies with an official proposal from your family. Pray istikhara before you actually propose, and still tread carefully when it comes to making promises. Hearts change very quickly, but if you seek a spouse for religion before anything else, you will be successful, by His grace.
In the Meanwhile
During this time of de-attachment, study hard, pray on time, read Qur’an daily with its meaning, gain knowledge and strengthen your faith. Prepare yourself for marriage by taking courses here on personally obligatory knowledge and Islamic Marriage. Befriend pious brothers who inspire you and bring out the best you, spend time in a mosque, and go back to her a better man if that is what you want.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.