Answered by Ustahda Shazia Ahmad
Question
Does a husband have the right to check his wife’s phone and check her contacts or read her messages?
What if he sees photos without hijab of his wife’s Muslim friends?
Can he demand to hear the voice of the person with whom his wife is speaking? This matter is a topic of argument between us because he thinks that he has the right to ask and check these things and I think it comes under spying and suspicion.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are having difficulty with your husband’s curiosity and I hope that you can both come to treat each other as one would want to be treated oneself.
Trust
Generally speaking, a man should have no reason to question his wife or be suspicious of her, and they should live in tranquility as such. If he begins asking for no reason or doesn’t trust her for some reason, he should be open and honest and not let this escalate into a bigger problem. The two must treat each other with the utmost respect, and if a man is insecure for some reason, she should help him get over his insecurity using wisdom, and tell him that she has no intention of ever hurting him or lying to him. He should trust her when she says this.
Spying
It is not permissible for him to spy on her private matters, as spying is not permissible, but if he does ask to whom she is speaking, it would be better off for her to just tell him so that he stops suspecting her and eventually leaves her alone. He won’t be like this forever. If he had strong suspicions that she was doing something unlawful, and good reasons for his suspicion, then it would be permissible for him to check. Please see these links about spying:
Did the Prophet Equate Suspicion With Lying?
Can I Check My Husband’s Phone for Pornography?
Pictures
As for him seeing pictures of her friends uncovered, this is wrong and she must warn him not to look at the pictures. If she can’t stop him, the sin is not hers, and she should not keep pictures of her uncovered friends on her phone.
Marriage
I advise you both to complete a marriage course and to review your personally obligatory knowledge, or even better, take the Step One courses. It will re-center your lives, and bring the focus onto what is important in a marriage.
Level One Islamic Studies Curriculum
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Hadith
Keep this hadith in mind: “It was said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best?‘ He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.‘“ [Ahmad]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani