A man and woman like each other, but they live in different countries. The girl just got her bachelor’s degree and wants to marry him. The man cannot move to the girl’s country as he wants to stay close to his parents. The girl’s parents do not like him much, and they will not send her over to his country unless the man is financially independent. Jobs are rare due to Covid. Should the girl wait for him to get a job, or marry someone else because her parents do not want her to keep waiting for him?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your confusion about what to do, and I pray that you can make the best decision for yourself and your religion.
The best means that I can recommend for you to make a decision is the Prayer of Seeking Guidance (istikhara). Pray it, and see if this man is really the best for you. Have you picked him based on his religion, or is it simply lust? Tell your suitor to pray istikhara as well, and follow that, with the trust and knowledge that your Creator knows what is the best for you. You should pray istikhara for at least seven days for this big decision.
If the Istikhara Is Positive
If it is positive you will both have to convince your parents and wait for him to get a job. It is an obligation for a husband to financially support you, and it is too great a risk to go to his country while he is jobless. You will not have family there to support or help you, and you may be at the mercy of the in-laws. Your parents are just trying to protect you, so you should let them. If it is positive, then know that Allah will facilitate the matter, things will fall into place, and you can go there with your parent’s approval.
Ease After Difficulty
If the istikhara is negative, remember that after every difficulty there is ease, as Allah Most High has told us in His book, and that, no matter what pain and hardship you go through now, it will just make you stronger and better. Always beware of your emotions because the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.” [Abu Dawud] Make this decision based on logic and guidance, and do not let your emotions decide. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and bless your union with whomever it may be.
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[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.