Question: I fought often with my husband, and many times he slept away from me. I never refused intercourse, but he says I never encourage it. He says he is not happy with me. We have four children: two are mine, and two are step-children from his second wife. I was the third wife, but then he divorced the other two. I am 20 years younger than him, and now he is marrying again. I feel guilt and regret sinning by disobeying him. This is why he is after another girl. I cry daily, but I did stop fighting with him, even if I did not get my rights. Will Allah forgive me?
Thank you for your question. I commend you for not fighting with your husband anymore and for deciding to improve yourself. This is important for you as a Muslimah, for your relationship with Allah and not just for your husband.
You ask if Allah will forgive you for fighting with your husband. The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over. Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak.“ [Muslim]
And he said, Allah bless him and give him peace, “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]
Can there be any doubt in your heart that Allah does not forgive the one who is sincere in his repentance?
Be the Best Wife That You Can Be
Consider this Prophetic hadith: It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Musnad of Ahmad]
What your husband is doing requires a tremendous amount of patience and communication from you. You should clear the air with your husband before he marries her and try not to hate him for it. Considering that he has divorced twice before, he will probably marry again and again, until old age sets in. This is the pattern that I see.
Beautify Your Character and Learn
I pray that you remain on this path of transforming yourself, communicating better with your husband, and having beautiful patience. A Muslimah is strong, devoted, loving, and patient, but also she is firm and does not accept abuse. Please take the course linked below on marriage with your husband and apply the knowledge and tips that are taught. May Allah bless you and your family with the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.