Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I’m a 20 year old girl suffering from severe depression because I got bullied in my childhood and in my teenage life by my relatives and parents. I cry most of the time and got addicted to masturbation. I repent, but keep falling into this same sin. I’m getting more depressed with each passing day. I am worried that I will get punished in the future due to this sin. Please guide me on how to get rid of this sin and depression. How I can live my life with peace? How I can offer prayers regularly? How I can control my anger? Can I still get a good husband, after sinning so much?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for my delay.
Help
Dear sister, please know that you do not need to suffer alone. The support of a culturally-sensitive counsellor can help you untangle the knot of depression.
There are also many Muslimah life coaches online whom you can contact for support.
Anger
I encourage you to read this article to help you better understand how to deal with your anger.
Anger is one of the manifestations of depression. Please read about the anger iceberg to help you understand it better.
Masturbation
As you know, masturbation is sinful. It is also a sign that you need healthier outlets to release your built-up emotional charge. Perhaps you can fast regularly, exercise, and meditate.
If you need more support, as it can be very difficult to break an addiction alone, then please sign up for Purify Your Gaze. This is a safe space for you and all Muslims who struggle with any form of sex and/or pornography addiction.
Repentance
Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Allah, the Exalted, has said: ‘O son of Adam, I forgive you as long as you pray to Me and hope for My forgiveness, whatever sins you have committed. O son of ‘Adam, I do not care if your sins reach the height of the heaven, then you ask for my forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of ‘Adam, if you come to Me with an earth load of sins, and meet Me associating nothing to Me, I would match it with an earthload of forgiveness.”‘ [Tirmidhi]
Please know that the door to repentance is open to you for the rest of your life. No matter how many times you fall into sin, know that Allah’s Mercy is greater.
Prayer
Please strive to repent for the prayers you have missed, and resume them. Slowly but surely, strive to pay back the prayers you have missed. Even if you do not feel like praying, do it for Allah. Over time, inshaAllah it will get easier. Please read this dua for ease, as often as you can, to help facilitate your return to prayer.
اللَّهُمَّ لَا سَهْلَا إلِّا مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلاً وَ أَنْتََ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ إِذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلًا
Allahuma la sahla illa ma ja-‘altahu sahlan, wa Anta taj’alu ‘l-hazna idha shi’ta sahlan.
“Oh Allah there is no ease, except that which you make easy. You make the difficult easy, if You Will”. Narrated by Imam Ibn al Sunni. Excerpt from Can I Pray Fajr After Sunrise if I Wake Up Late?
Marriage
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. Those are free from what they (the accusers) say. For them there is forgiveness, and a graceful provision.” [Qur’an, 24:26]
Please know that it is not difficult for Allah to bless you with a loving and righteous husband when the time is right. Until then, please work on healing yourself. Be the kind of spouse you would like to have. Work on managing your anger, being more patient, and so on. Read articles like these: Seriously. What’s the Point of Marriage?
Please do your readings and research on marriage e.g. Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages and Before You Tie The Knot.
Please see:
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Is Seeking Counselling A Sign of Weakness? by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.