Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah
My sister got married in Pakistan to a person living on green card in America. It has been 8 months since the marriage took place and her immigration is under process currently. Our sister is currently living with us in Pakistan. The issue we are facing is that her husband calls her constantly from America, day, night, evening all the time they are talking on video chat. We do not live in a very big house so it is obvious that our voices and whatever is going on in our house gets transferred over to her husband. My parents are very irritated with this whole situation because our sister does not eat with us, sit to talk to us or does not take any interest in the day to day work around the house. Her husband has told her to only listen to him and has demanded that he be informed about everything. He demands that whenever he calls she should pick up. The additional issue is that she is now joining this whole issue with the deen stating she is supposed to listen to everything her husband says no matter what anyone says and that we should contact muftis to confirm this understanding. We tell her that until she is living with us she has to listen to what we say and follow our house rules but she does not listen to us. Please guide us in this matter so that we can prosper in both this life and hereafter.
JazakAllah.
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullah
You should counsel your sister regarding the fact that just as the Islamic Shari‘ah has commanded her to obey her husband, in the same manner it has commanded us to obey our parents and be sensitive to the needs of our other family members. One should ensure that they are caring for their parents’ comfort and refraining from inconveniencing them. In addition one should abide by their commands and act according to their wishes. As much as possible, one should serve and attend to their needs to get their dua and contentment, because their contentment is equivalent to one’s happiness in future and the pleasure of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala. Their displeasure is equivalent to the displeasure of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala and one’s disgrace and dishonor both in this world and hereafter. Islam does teach the wife to obey her husband but it does not mean that she should inflict pain and discomfort on her parents and family members due to obeying his commands. Our beloved Prophet Mohammed Sallallaho Alyhi Wasallam has described a perfect Muslim’s sign that no one is inconvenienced due to his/her actions. Therefore, it is incumbent upon your sister to speak to your husband but also ensure that she is not inconveniencing her parents and other family members, help them with the things (errands) around the house, attend to their needs and make sure that when they call her she gladly and with contentment present her for their service and show her obedience.
عن عبد الله بن عمرو رضي الله عنهما عن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم قال
: ( المسلم من سلم المسلمون من لسانه ويده(صحیح بخاری:کتاب الایمان،۱۰)
عَنْ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- فَقَالَ مَنْ أَحَقُّ النَّاسِ بِحُسْنِ صَحَابَتِى قَالَ « أُمُّكَ ». قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ « ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ». قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ « ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ». قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ « ثُمَّ أَبُوكَ(ٍصحیح مسلم:البر والصلة والآدب،۶۶۶۴)
عَنْ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ أَنَّهُ قَالَ كَانَ جُرَيْجٌ يَتَعَبَّدُ فِى صَوْمَعَةٍ فَجَاءَتْ أُمُّهُ. قَالَ حُمَيْدٌ فَوَصَفَ لَنَا أَبُو رَافِعٍ صِفَةَ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ لِصِفَةِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- أُمَّهُ حِينَ دَعَتْهُ كَيْفَ جَعَلَتْ كَفَّهَا فَوْقَ حَاجِبِهَا ثُمَّ رَفَعَتْ رَأْسَهَا إِلَيْهِ تَدْعُوهُ فَقَالَتْ يَا جُرَيْجُ أَنَا أُمُّكَ كَلِّمْنِى. فَصَادَفَتْهُ يُصَلِّى فَقَالَ اللَّهُمَّ أُمِّى وَصَلاَتِى. فَاخْتَارَ صَلاَتَهُ فَرَجَعَتْ ثُمَّ عَادَتْ فِى الثَّانِيَةِ فَقَالَتْ يَا جُرَيْجُ أَنَا أُمُّكَ فَكَلِّمْنِى. قَالَ اللَّهُمَّ أُمِّى وَصَلاَتِى. فَاخْتَارَ صَلاَتَهُ فَقَالَتِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّ هَذَا جُرَيْجٌ وَهُوَ ابْنِى وَإِنِّى كَلَّمْتُهُ فَأَبَى أَنْ يُكَلِّمَنِى اللَّهُمَّ فَلاَ تُمِتْهُ حَتَّى تُرِيَهُ الْمُومِسَاتِ.(صحیح مسلم:۶۶۷۲)
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو عَنِ النَّبِىِّ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- قَالَ « رِضَا الرَّبِّ فِى رِضَا الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِى سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ (سنن ترمذی: باب مَا جَاءَ فِى بِرِّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ،۲۰۲۰)
عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- « أَلاَ أُحَدِّثُكُمْ بِأَكْبَرِ الْكَبَائِرِ ». قَالُوا بَلَى يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ. قَالَ « الإِشْرَاكُ بِاللَّهِ وَعُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ ». قَالَ وَجَلَسَ وَكَانَ مُتَّكِئًا فَقَالَ « وَشَهَادَةُ الزُّورِ أَوْ قَوْلُ الزُّورِ »(سنن ترمذی:۲۰۲۳)
واللہ اعلم بالصواب