I am writing to you in order to get guidance regarding my married life. Me and my wife have been facing a lot of issues in our relationship for a long time now, which did not get resolved even by the involvement of both our families. Now the situation is my wife, without my permission, for the past year and half has been staying with one of her aunts. Initially I was sending her some money for her expenses, but because of her rude behavior and not taking interest in coming back, I stopped sending her the money. She also has a son from her first marriage. There have been rumors regarding her being in contact with someone else and is establishing a relationship with a man, but I do not believe on such rumors, however, I do feel that I am completely stuck in this situation since it feels like there is going to be no betterment of this situation in future. Whenever we start to talk in order to reconcile or resolve our issues, it ends in either of us becoming extremely mad and upset. Some of my friends say that there is no point in being stuck in such a broken down relationship and should be completely broken down otherwise it is equivalent of binding both the husband and wife in a dilemma.
The request I want to make regarding my whole situation is although I know that divorce is an abhorred act in the eyes of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala but how long should I keep on trying to save this relationship and how long should I wait before issuing a divorce, what will be the best time to go through the process of divorce? When I expressed to her that we are at a point that I feel a divorce is inevitable, she took it as a divorce and she has been telling people that I have given her one divorce, which is not true. This is just her misunderstanding, please provide your recommendation in this matter, I will respect and act upon it.
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
Talaq is no doubt an abhorred action in front of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala but when the husband and wife are unable to continue a relationship together and even the strive of reconciliation results in nil, then the Islamic Shari‘ah has given the provision of talaq. In this regard, we recommend that you perform istakharah or make mashwarah with the elders of your family. In addition, it will be best to consider the environment in your country of residence and the legal issues which usually entail a legal divorce, before taking any step.
The best and mustahab (preferable) method of issuing a divorce is to issue one divorce, during the period of tuhr (cleanliness) and leave the wife. No marital relations should be established during this period of tuhr. The woman should complete her period of ‘iddah and after that she will be free to move on with her life and perform Nikah with whowever she wants.
عن إبراہیم قال: کانوا یستحبون أن یطلقہا واحدۃ، ثم یترکہا حتی تحیض ثلاث حیض۔
(مصنف ابن أبي شیبۃ، کتاب الطلاق، ما یستحب من طلاق وکیف ہو؟ مؤسسۃ علوم القرآن بیروت ۹/۵۱۲، رقم:۱۸۰۴۰، مصنف عبد الرزاق، کتاب الطلاق، باب وجہ الطلاق، وہو طلاق العدۃ والسنۃ، المجلس العلمي بیروت ۶/۳۰۲، رقم:۱۰۹۲۶)فالأحسن أن یطلق الرجل امرأتہ تطلیقۃ واحدۃ في طہر لم یجامعہا فیہ ویترکہا حتی تنقضي عدتہا۔
(ہدایۃ، کتاب الطلاق، باب طلاق السنۃ، اشرفي دیوبند۲/۳۵۴)
فقط واللہ اعلم بالصواب