Question: Assalamu Alaykum, How do I get rid of my bad feelings toward someone? Are these negative feelings sinful?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
I am sorry to hear of the difficulty you are in and pray that Allah eases all your affairs.
Negative Feelings
To answer your question, it is natural to have negative feelings toward someone who one was harmed by. These feelings are not sinful as long as they are not acted upon, outwardly nor inwardly.
Inwardly refers to holding grudges against them, having bad opinions of them, being happy at a difficulty that befalls them, or being upset at a blessing granted to them, feeling superior to them, and so on.
These are referred to as the destructive qualities of the heart. They are sinful and you should strive to work on them. The book ‘The Forty Principles of the Religion’ by Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali discusses each of these and their cures. You may find it useful.
Recognizing the True Source of Afflictions
However, it is important to note, that nothing can occur of harm or benefit except with the decree and will of Allah Most High.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Know, that whatever befalls you could never have missed you and whatever misses you could never have befallen you! Know that help is with patience and that relief is with difficulty and the with difficulty is ease” [Nawawi, al-Arba’in].
If, indeed, someone was the cause of your difficulties they are accountable. You on the other hand are only accountable for how you respond to this trial from Allah Most High.
The Virtue of Patience
Allah Most High says, “And We will surely test you (all) with something of fear and hunger and loss of property, lives, and fruits; but give glad tidings to the (steadfast) patient. – Who, when a calamity befalls them, (by showing perseverance), say: ‘Verily we belong to Allah, and certainly unto Him shall we return’. – Those are they on whom are blessings and Mercy from their Lord, and they are the ones that are guided (aright)” [Qur’an, 2:155-7].
Turning to Allah in Times of Difficulty
With that being said you should take this and any difficulty as an opportunity to express your neediness to Allah Most High, by beseeching Him and supplicating for help in this pressing time. I would advise that you perform the Prayer of Need, often. See the below link for the details:
How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?
Hope this helps. May Allah ease your difficulty.
Allahu A’alam
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani