Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Question: Assalamu alaykum
My husband is fertile but impotent. His problem has increased over the years but now he is unable to do sex at all. He has not touched me for 6 months. We have no companionship as well and he avoids me most of the time.
Should I get divorce?
Answer: As-salam ‘alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh
I pray you are well.
Consequences of Divorce
Divorce is a door Allah has left open for believers when marriages are not working. Instead of having daily duels, it is better at times to part ways to prevent greater harm. Allah counselled the believing men on this point, ‘live with [you wives] with universally recognised goodness, or part from them with excellence.’ (4:19).
A toxic marriage has a very detrimental effect on the children who grow up around parents who constantly argue, or worse. Parting is a better choice if things cannot be rectified.
However, divorce is also a not always the best choice. The effect of it is noticeable on children from broken homes except in the cases where Allah blesses the former spouses to out their feelings aside, and work towards that which is beneficial for the children. The worst cases are when the children are used against one parent or the other.
Parting also has a number of other complications. such as custody of the children, financially supporting yourself, etc. All these factors need to considered. Sometimes in the heat of a difficult situation things may seem worse than they actually are.
Seeking help
It goes without saying that the first thing to do in all troubling matters is to head to the prayer mat, perform two units of prayer, and beg Allah for help, clarity, and guidance. This is why the test is there in the first place: to turn to Allah with everything. Asking Allah for the best resolution is the most important practical step you can take.
Beyond this, you should ask advice from people of insight who have the wellbeing of your family at heart, and professionals who can try to help resolve the issues. Maybe they can encourage your husband to seek medical help and therapy to resolve his issues, and to help resolve the other relationship issues you have. You can look into other permissible means by which he can fulfil your needs.
Should the above efforts fail, and if you feel that remaining in the marriage would be detrimental to you then it is permissible to seek a divorce. This should be done in consultation with a reliable local scholar.
May Allah facilitate the matter for you in the way which is best for you all.
Wassalam,
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat