Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I just started practising one year ago and a few months ago, Allah tested me with a big trial. To this day, I’m still trying to understand why it happened and I’m trying to move on.I did something wrong and regret it. I get thoughts of disbelief, and I’m so scared of being a disbeliever. Does Allah not like or want me anymore?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well.
Trials
“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested?” [Qur’an, 29:2]
Trials and tribulations are part of life in this dunya. Only Allah Most High knows the wisdom behind the tests He places us through. We may never know why certain things unfold in our lives, and that’s OK. Our job is to respond to trials in a way that pleases Allah. When we fall short and make mistakes, then we pick ourselves up, repent, and keep moving forward. Obsessing about past mistakes will not change the past.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “When Allah loves a servant, He tests him,” [Tirmidhi]
Failing a test from Allah can bring you closer to Allah, through the realisation that you are weak without Him. Remember that every human being alive today is tested in some way, and you are not alone in making mistakes. Turn to Allah and seek comfort in constant dhikr, dua, and waking up in the last third of the night.
Thoughts of disbelief
“Verily the religion is ease, and no one shall make the religion hard except that it will destroy him. So be balanced, do your best, and rejoice! And seek help in the morning, the early evening, and something of the night.” [Sahih Bukhari]
Having thoughts of disbelief does not make you a disbeliever. It sounds like you are experiencing baseless misgivings (waswasa). Please click here to read what you can do to combat these baseless misgivings. Remember that shaytan wants you to despair, so do not give into that. Ours is a religion of hope, love, and forgiveness. I pray that Allah soothes your sorrow, and elevates your rank in Jannah, inshaAllah.
Please refer to the following links:
How Do You Distinguish Between a Test From Allah and Punishment?
A Reader On Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)
Wassalam,
Raidah
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani