Q: I am really lost and wanted help from Islamic point of view. Me and my husband are Muslims. We first met 3 years ago and my parents approved of my husband and I agreed. He did not have a job then, but I trusted Allah and we had our nikah a couple of months later. Since then our lives have been very disturbed. There has been good times. But my husband did not have a job until a year after our our marriage. I was a practicing doctor hence I was supporting us completely. Which was stressful as it was unconventional but I did not mind as I believe risq is in Allahs hand. When my husband got the job, instead of offering to contribute in our expenses, he started sending money to his mom (who lives with the other brother and has property and pension to support her). This continued for a couple of months then finally he started contributing after we had a talk. He was only contributing less than half of the expenses and continued to send money to his mom and brother. A year and a half later, he swapped jobs and needed a car. I volunteered to pay for it since he did not have money. Again believing that as a wife it’s my duty and Allah will reward us with barqat in our rizq. He wasn’t making any money in his new job so I have been contributing fully again towards all the house expenses. This has gone on for 6 months. Alhamdulillah now he has been offered a very good job which he is due to start in a weeks time. Although his monthly pay is less than mine but I said to him that he should contribute towards our expenses before and save for himself and pay off his debts before contributing any money for his mom as they are non his dependants in any way. Also, we are expecting a baby, and I’ll be on maternity leave for 1 year and will only get full pay for three months, half pay for next three months and no pay for 6 months. I was worried about our unborn child’s expenses etc and saving for his education etc. When I said that to him he got upset and started shouting at me. I agree that my tone got a bit harsh but Allah as my witness, it was no where as loud as his. Now we have not been talking and sleeping in different rooms for last 3 days. I have been praying to Allah to give us Hidaayah. But I am so hurt that after all what I have done for him, he always places my needs after his own family’s need. Also, since our marriage, I have never ever asked for any extravagant gifts like gold etc. I can buy expensive stuff Alhamdulillah with my pay but I have been saving the money for us and now about to buy a property, in which he is not contributing a single penny. I have no one to talk to and have been reading about wife’s right in Islam. And making dua to Allah for help. I don’t hate him, he is or was very loving. He is a good person who prays all his salats. But I feel I don’t have the sabar to give in any more. I will have to kill my inner self, my personality and beliefs to come out and say its my fault when it isn’t. I am so stressed as I am expecting and keep thinking of the worse that this is not going to end well. Please help and make dua. Ameen
A: We advise that you refer to a senior Aalim who deals with these type of cases (marital problems, etc.). Preferably an Aalim who will be able to explain to your husband his shari’ee obligations and marital responsibilities.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)