Q: I am a 31 years old Muslim from an Asian Muslim country. I like one Chinese girl who is 27 years old and she also likes me. We met each other in some non-Muslim Asian country for studies. I am not a good practicing Muslim but I am a Muslim Alhamdulillah. I consider Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) as a role model and Islam as the best system of life for myself and for whole world.
My friend and her family has no religion and she has not been taught about any religion before. She is a traditional educated Chinese but very open minded. I gave dawah to my friend and tried to make her understand about Islam and its relationship with previous religions. Two (2) years have passed and I started a relationship with her. My intentions were only to make her a Muslim and if she wants, I can make her my wife.
As I am not a good practicing Muslim and also due to the worse conditions of Muslims (politically, economically, peacefully), I think she has not been much motivated to accept Islam. Now she say that she believes in God, before she had no concept of God.
In addition to this, she wants to marry me and she wants to accept Islam for marriage. She agrees with few things in Islam and she do not agree with few things. I do not know all the differences and I could not mention all here what I know. But some of the major things she mentioned for marriage are:
1. She told me that she wanted to accept Islam like some of the Chinese Muslims, who are not strict in practicing Islam. Her Chinese friend also married a Chinese Muslim man but they have not done Nikah. So she wanted to marry without Nikah.
2. She told me that after marriage she will never fast in Ramadan, and I should not force her to fast.
3. She also told me that I will not force her for daily prayers after marriage.
4. She told me that if we have children after marriage then we will not teach them Islam and the children should decide about their religion when they become of age.
5. She is not very happy about freedom of women in Muslim countries.
6. She told me many times that there is too much cultural difference between China and Asian Muslim countries.
7. She does not want to live in any Muslim country. Its Ok for me, I can live in any country with her if we get married because I have no bounding in my own country and family.
8. Sometimes she say that she does not believe in the hereafter because she does not have enough knowledge about it. But recently she said that she knows if she believes in God then she has to believe in the hereafter.
9. Sometimes she say Islam should update itself with the modern world. She thinks that the current downfall of Muslim countries is because of Islamic teachings, which means that because of Islamic teachings, Muslims could not catch up with the modern world in economy, science and technology and development.
My experience says that she is nice, natural, a good hearted girl but due to living in China and her company she could not understand the reality of life, world, God, hereafter, Islam etc. Also nobody has taught her so. She has been very busy in her research but she has tried to understand Islam after meeting me on the internet and without any scholar or proper dawah. I am also not a good practicing Muslim and not well knowledgeable person but I tried my best. But I try to pray 5 times and believe in Islamic social, political and economic system and world peace, universal brotherhood etc.
She wanted to marry me, recently she said twice that I am best man for her in world. Personally I also wanted to marry her. Sometimes I think she is innocent and she will learn more about Islam with time but sometimes I think she is not accepting Islam from her heart and she only wants to accept Islam for marriage.
I have explained briefly about her and now I need your opinion that should I marry her or not, keeping in mind my and her future life and hereafter?
A: This relationship is a haraam relationship. Immediately break off this haraam relationship and sincerely repent to Allah Tala for getting involved in this major sin. If this woman does not want to accept Islaam entirely, then there is no Islaam. She will remain a kaafir. Remaining with her will be living a life of zina.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)