Salam brothers and sisters,
Hope you well. Actually I’m so confused about a matter. That is:
Recently I married a women whom I loved like 12 yrs. but I didn’t did any physical relationship except lipkiss 3 times. My parents are not agree with me at all to marry her. But her mother is agree about me. But my parents totally are not agree.
I promised her to marry her by touching A Quran. So recently we married via with my friends and her friends by face to face. But none of our parents know about this at all. Recently I’m living Australia and she is living bangladesh. We stayed togather for 4 hrs. But I couldn’t complete proper physical relationship. Deeply my … didn’t went inside at all ( sorry because of understanding I used this language, forgive me). Now I am feeling that I do not love her anymore.
So the question is it our marriage is halal ? And just give me some suggestions what to do now ?
Answer
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
Whenever there is a Haram relationship, there is bound to be problems. Your relationship with the girl before marriage was not permissible, and you need to beg Allah to forgive you.
If at the time when you got married infront of your friends there were males, or one male and two females present, all of whom were Muslim and Baaligh, and they all clearly heard the offer of marriage and acceptance, then your marriage is done. Although it was not the ideal way of doing it, the marriage is still done. This is immaterial whether you had physical relations or not.
Since you are now both married, the best is to divulge this to your parents, and discuss thw way forward with them. If they agree on the marriage, then have a public Nikah, in accordance with the Sunnah. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) advised:
أعلنوا هذا النكاح، واجعلوه في المساجد، واضربوا عليه بالدفوف.
(أخرجه الترمذي (2/ 390)
“Publicize this marriage, and hold it in the masjid, and beat the duff for it.” (Tirmidhi 2 / 390).
If you both marry publicly and remain chaste, Allah will put mutual love between you two again.
If your parents do not agree, then discuss this with your wife. Do not let her know that you do not love her, otherwise it will seem as if you ‘used’ her. Rather, dicuss with her how impractical and difficult it will be if your parents are not happy. Take note of her feelings and do not let her for a moment feel that she was betrayed.
Make Mashwara with your parents and local ‘Ulama, and decide the way from there.
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best
Wassalaam,
Ismail Moosa (Mufti)
References
النكاح ينعقد بالايجاب والقبول بلفظين يعبر بهما عن الماضى او يعبر باحدهما عن الماضى والاخر عن المستقبل ….ولا ينعقد نكاح المسلمين الا بحضور شاهدين حرين بالغين عاقلين مسلمين…(مختصر القدورى – ص.210)
قوله :قالوا:لو عقد بلفظ الخ اقول ،هذا بناء على ان فهم الشاهدين ليس بشرط وصححه فى الخلاصة، والمعتمد انه شرط ، حما اختاره فى الخانية ، والحاصل :انه يشترط سماعا معا مع الفهم (الاشباه والنظائر – 1 / 83)
اذا قال لامرأة هذه امرأتى و قالت المرأة هذا زوجى و كان ذالك بمحضر من الشهود لا يكون نكاحا و الفتاوى الخلاصة :هو المختار
وفى اليتيمة : سئل على السغدى عن رجل سلم على امرأة فقال سلام عليك يا زوجتى فقالت و عليك السلام يا زوجى وسمع ذالك شاهدان؟ فقال :لا ينعقد النكاح
و فى الظهيرية :لو قال ‘اين زن من است’ بمحضر من الشهود فقالت المرأة اين شوى است ولم يكن بينهما نكاح اختلف المشائخ فيه ، والصحيح أنه لا ينعقد النكاح، و فى الحجة : و عليه الفتوى، قال القاضى الامام محدود البخارى :لو قضى قاض بثبوت النكاح يكون نكاحا متفقا، ان قالت اكون لك زوجة فقال نعم، لا يصح. و فى الحجة : قالت الاجنبية لرجل ، هذا زوجى: و قال الرجل ، هذه أمرأتى بمحضر من جماعة لم يكن بينهما نكاح. ( الفتاوى التاتارخانية – 4/14)