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Parents not Allowing the Son to Marry due to his Studies

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by DarulIftaBirmingham
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Answered by: Maulana Javed ibn Nazir Kachhalia​


Question


 


Sorry for the long post but I’m helpless.


I am a guy from India planning to pursue my higher studies in the west InshaAllah very soon. I’m however afraid (really afraid) I will fall into fitnah (women) when I go to the university. Hence, I strongly wish to get married before going to University ( at least have my nikah done so I can talk on the phone at least with my wife when I’m there). I have not talked directly told them I want to get married due to the aforementioned reasons, but I did give them a hint that I’d like to get married which made them angry ( they think I’ll not be able to concentrate in my studies if I get married…..but what they don’t know is that if I don’t get married their son will fall into major sins and not concentrate in his studies as a result). Another reason they told was that I have no job so how will I look after her. I told them all I want is a nikah and not walima and she can stay at her place until I finish my studies (one-year InshaAllah), but they won’t allow that.


I am sorry I am saying this but I want to make you understand my present situation. I am filled with so much lust that I can literally feel it running through my blood (especially when I go to bed and also at other times). I’m really afraid I’ll fall into Haram acts most of the youth are falling into today. I’m really afraid if I’ll run out of sabr Nauzubillah may Allah protect me from such calamities befalling me.


I would like to know what can I do in this situation. Also, can I get some amals and wazifas I can do to get married quickly before going for studies so that I can safeguard my Imaan at the campus and also some wazifas to change my parent’s hearts?


 


بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم


In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful 


 


Answer


 


In a Hadith the Prophet ()has given us the guideline in regards to your query.


عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ لَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ ‏”‏ ‏.‏


Abdullah (b. Mas’ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger () said to us:


 


0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire. (Sahih Muslim)


 


Brother, in regards to ‘Amal’ or ‘Wazifah’, one should constantly turn towards Allah and ask from Allah for a pious spouse.


 


It’s also important to get your parents involved and put your concern forward to them. Discuss this issue with your Parents. If you can’t approach your Parents, discuss your concern with an elder person in the Family who is approachable.


 


At the same time, we should be seeking Allah’s help through Istikhara.


Parents should consider the choice and desire made by their sons or daughters in marriage. The sons/daughters are requested to present their choices in front of their parents, but at the same time let them decide and be content with their decision. They’ve had the experience, and Insha’Allah they will make the correct choice. Also, seek Allah’s help and guidance through Istikhara. (Aapke Masail Aur unke Hal Vol 5, Pg 29, Maktabah Ludhyanwi)


 


Only Allah knows best.


Written by Maulana Javed ibn Nazir Kachhalia


Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah


Darul Ifta Birmingham


 


This answer was collected from DarulIftaBirmingham.co.uk, which is run under the supervision of Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah from the United Kingdom.

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