Answered by: Moulana Muhammad Imad Ali
I am a mother of two children. I was married to my first cousin about 13 years ago and got divorced in 2013. I am from Pakistan and my parents knew how my in-laws are ( by saying this I meant my x father in law or brother in laws had relation with other girls even though they were married, their earnings were not halal, they were addicted to drugs and they sold drugs as well). Despite of knowing everything they got me married to my x husband by saying that as far we know him he is a good person (my x husband used to live with his parents and was involved in all activities). Based on all these things I had a divorce in 2013. I had a proposal in 2014 through one of my friend. I did speak to that person and found him quite reasonable. I did istikhara which was positive. I would like to mention one thing here and I did istikhara for many times and I always feel satisfied and more positive than before. I spoke to my mother and at first she said no and then she said ok we will think about it. after 3-4 months she said I have done every possible step to get more details about that person family and based on my information they are not sunni they are shiya which was wrong as his younger brother had some shiya friends and he used to hang around with them and been to moharrams majalis and strikes which later his dad found and ask him not to repeat it. Yeah but one of his aunt is shiya. Now the situation is I was after my parents to obtain more information as I knew they are not shiya. They didn’t want me to marry him so they were just delaying the matter but recently upon my request they have obtained information and they said yeah you were right they are not shiya but we still do not want you to marry him as we do not like their family. They are not good people. They are poor. Under no circumstances we will let you marry him. I said I only wanted to confirm if he is shiya or not as none of the other things bothered me apart from this. I have one daughter of age 9 and boy of age 11. i am 35 years old and I have told him I cannot trust any other person and will not marry if you do not let me marry this person. They said you can sit/live like this forever without a husband but we will not let you marry that person.
I have told them I will do istikhara again and my father said there is no need of istikhara when i said no. I still did istikhara for 3 days and again I was very positive. I have asked one Aalima/Qaariya to do istikhara for me she did and said that I did istikhara for 3 days and these nights were the nights when I slept very peacefully otherwise I am very restless. She said speak to your parents and say bismillah on this proposal. When I spoke to my mum about my and Alima’s istikhara she then again said there was no need of istikhara when we said no we meant no for that proposal even though if your istikhara is good we will still say no.
Now my question is if I marry him without my parents consent will I have any sin?
I am based in UK.I am very independent. I am working since I had divorced and never asked for anything from parents. My parents do not have strong reasons to reject that guy other than thinking I deserve a better person than him. (By saying better is in terms of financially as he is not rich and education as he is not much educated but I am completely comfortable with this).
His sister had a love marriage and because of that their family had some problems with their sister, her husband and in laws which later were resolved. But my parents do not have other reasons so they are saying they are not good peoples and they do dushmanies etc.
I know the family very closely and met them as well and found them really good. My sister met with the guy’s mum and sister and said they are reasonable person and you should marry if they are not shiya but she can’t say much because of my parents.
The last I have done istikhara was about 2 weeks ago and the Alima did istikhara for me was about a week ago.
Please could you guide me what to do?
Can someone ask you not to doistikhara just because they do not want you to marry to that guy or can they just do not accept istikhara’s outcome and keep carrying on that what they are saying?
Will I have a sin if I marryto that person without my parent’s consent?
There are few important points to understand here…
Firstly, Istikhara means to ask Allah to guide one to the right thing concerning any affair in one’s life, especially when one has to choose between two permissible alternatives.
Allah has stated in the Qur’an, “it is because of you (O Muhammad) are lenient (gentle, forgiving, soft-hearted) with them (with the Sahabah). If you had been ill-tempered and hard-heartened, they would have all dispersed (run away) from you. So pardon them, seek forgiveness for them and consult with them in matters (Rasoollullah then consulted with the Sahabah very often). When you have taken a firm decision (after consulting with the knowledgeable ones), then place your trust in Allah (and not on your own resources and decision). Verily Allah loves those who place their in him (and will surely assist them).
(Surah Al-Imran, Ayah, 159)
If everyone besides your family is saying that they are a good family then you should do Istikhara and have trust in Allah and proceed forward with it. If you’re parents don’t have a valid reason to reject him then they cannot stop you.
Secondly, the general principle is that the marriage of a free sane and adult woman (who has been previously married) without the approval of her guardian (wali) is valid if the person she is marrying is a legal and suitable match (kuf’) to her. However, if the person she is marrying is not her legal match, then her marriage would be considered invalid. However, I do recommend that it would be best to get scholars of Islam involved and they speak with your father regarding this matter.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Moulana Muhammad Imad Ali
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
This answer was collected from DarulIftaBirmingham.co.uk, which is run under the supervision of Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah from the United Kingdom.