Question:
If a muslim girl nd boy of a Young age (17 nd 18) thats dating fear to make haraam nd is willing to commit nd make nikkah,
The boy is working nd getting a good income (over 8 thousand rand )nd can manage to run a house nd look after the girl but the parents from both families dont want to make nikkah nd wants to wait for 4 years what should the boy nd girl do?
Answer:
Dating in Islam is prohibited. The Islamic solution is marriage. Marriage is encouraged in various Aayaat of the Qur’an and Ahaadith of Rasulullahﷺ. Below are a few virtues:
Allah Ta’ala says:
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e., a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).” [Surah an-Nur: 32]
In the Hadith, Nabi ﷺ mentioned:
“Four things are from the noble practices of the messengers; modesty, usage of ʿItr (oil perfume), Siwak (natural tooth stick), and marriage.”
Nabi ﷺ said:
“O youth! Whoever amongst you has the ability to marry should marry. And whoever does not have the ability should fast, as it will help to curb (one’s desires).”
Nabi ﷺ said:
“Marry a friendly woman who bears many children, because I wish to outnumber the other nations through you.”
Nabi ﷺ said to Ali Radhiysallahu Anhu:
“O Ali, do not delay in three things; Salah when its time has entered, the burial of a corpse when it is brought, and the marriage of an unmarried woman when a perfect match is found.”
From the few texts mentioned above, the importance of not delaying marriage can be understood. The fact that the parents on both sides are ready to get them married after 4 years indicates that they regard the couple to be a suitable match for each other. When this is the case, then the last Hadeeth mentioned above exhorts that once a perfect match is found there should be no delay in getting them married. Hence in the enquired scenario, it would be irresponsible to procrastinate and delay the marriage.
It is very foolish and immature to think that one’s children should not get married due to some petty excuse, such as they are studying, they need to first obtain an occupation or salary, they need their own house, etc. Such excuses which have no basis in the Shari’ah should be shunned. If the children fall into sin, the parents will equally share the burden of the sin on their shoulders.
It would be advisable to get an Aalim of the locality to explain the situation and convince the parents of not delaying the marriage. In the meanwhile, the said boy should refrain from talking to this future prospective wife of his and refrain from having any contact with her. It should not happen that one starts of a lawful marriage on an unlawful foundation.
At the same time, advise the couple not to forget to turn to Allah Ta’aala and ask for Divine Assistance in the matter directly from Him. Allah Ta’aala is the Controller of hearts and all conditions. Give extra Sadaqah. Advise the couple further to become more punctual on their duties to Allah Ta’ala, perform all their Salaah punctually and refrain from all sins and Allah Ta’ala will ease conditions and open the doors of ease for them Insha-Allah.
Checked and Approved By:
Mufti Muhammed Saeed Motara Saheb D.B.
حدثنا سفيان بن وكيع قال: حدثنا حفص بن غياث، عن الحجاج، عن مكحول، عن أبي الشمال، عن أبي أيوب قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «أربع من سنن المرسلين: الحياء، والتعطر، والسواك، والنكاح». [سنن الترمذي: 3/ 383 (1080)]
حدثنا عمر بن حفص، حدثنا أبي، حدثنا الأعمش، قال: حدثني إبراهيم، عن علقمة، قال: كنت مع عبد الله، فلقيه عثمان بمنى، فقال: يا أبا عبد الرحمن إن لي إليك حاجة فخلوا، فقال عثمان: هل لك يا أبا عبد الرحمن في أن نزوجك بكرا، تذكرك ما كنت تعهد؟ فلما رأى عبد الله أن ليس له حاجة إلى هذا أشار إلي، فقال: يا علقمة، فانتهيت إليه وهو يقول: أما لئن قلت ذلك، لقد قال لنا النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: «يا معشر الشباب من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج، ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم فإنه له وجاء». [صحيح البخاري: 7/ 3 (5065)]
حدَّثنا أحمدُ بنُ إبراهيمَ، حدَّثنا يزيدُ بنُ هارونَ، أخبرنا مستلمُ بنُ سعيد ابن أُخت منصور بنِ زاذان، عن منصورٍ – يعني ابن زاذان – عن معاوية بنِ قرَّةَ عن مَعْقِلِ بنِ يسارٍ، قال: جاء رجل إلى النبيٌ – صلَّى الله عليه وسلم – فقال: إني أصبتُ امرأةً ذاتَ حَسَبٍ وجَمَالٍ، وأنها لا تَلِدُ، أفاتزوجُها؟ قال: ” لا” ثم أتاهُ الثانيةَ فنهاه، ثم أتاه الثالثةَ، فقال: «تزوجوا الوَدُودَ الوَلُودَ فإني مكاثِرٌ بِكُمُ الأمم». [سنن أبي داود: (2050)]
حدثنا قتيبة، قال: حدثنا عبد الله بن وهب، عن سعيد بن عبد الله الجهني، عن محمد بن عمر بن علي بن أبي طالب، عن أبيه، عن علي بن أبي طالب، أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال له: «يا علي، ثلاث لا تؤخرها: الصلاة إذا آنت، والجنازة إذا حضرت، والأيم إذا وجدت لها كفئا». [سنن الترمذي: 1/ 238 (71)]