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Married but still in love with boyfriend

I have been in love with a man since last 7 years (2009-2015). We both are Muslim so we decided to get marry. Our parents were agrees but some ups & downs happened in my family so my father said it’s your life you can decide with who you want to get marry but I don’t like the boy you’re in love with and I want you to get marry with your brother friend because I do know him he is good boy, I said Yes to him because i got scared that what will happened when my brother find out that his sister is in love with someone.

In 2011 my Nikaah happened on my engaged with my brother friend but I was still in love with my boyfriend. My Rukhsati doesn’t happen yet and I didn’t meet my fiancé face to face until now.

I still have my virginity but i have done anal sex and Orel sex with my boy friend even i knew it was Harem. But believe me I do accept him as my Husband. I`m a shamed of whatever I did and I do want to come out of this SINS will Allah (J) Forgive me and my boyfriend? I can’t leave my boyfriend because he will do suicide and do want to spend rest of my life with him with my soul and heart through Islamic way.

I can’t ask my fiancé for divorced because he is Afghani and very egoistic I’m sure that he will never hurt his ego in media.

Is my Nikaah break with my fiancé?

Am I committed in ZINA with my boyfriend what should i do?


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We understand your predicament. You went against your wish and married your husband to please your father and it was not your choice.

It is unfortunate you did not meet your husband until now and there was no recourse for you to replace the love you had with your boyfriend. The absence of your husband has led to the love with your boyfriend to accelerate and to you committing haram acts.  You state you regard your boyfriend as your husband. However, he cannot be your husband by you just regarding him to be one as you are already married. We advise you to confide in your parents about your predicament and tell them you fear Allah Taala and do not want to commit zina and haram. Explain to them that your heart and mind is with your boyfriend and you do not want to continue your marriage with your husband, especially that you did not meet him until now and it is almost 5 years since your nikah took pace.

Request them to communicate with your husband and request a divorce. After you spend your iddat (waiting period) you may marry your boyfriend. Abstain from any communications with your boyfriend until you marry him as he is a non-mahram and it is impermissible for you to interact with him. Stay away from sins and make a lots of tawbah for your actions to Allah Taala as He is Al Raheem (most merciful). We make dua Allah Taala make everything easy for you and guide you towards the straight path Ameen.

Note: The ruling of iddat mentioned above will only apply if you spent time (approximately 10 minutes) in privacy with your husband. If you did not spend any time in privacy with him then, upon issuing the divorce you will not have to spend time in iddat. [1]

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ismail Dawoodjee

Student Darul Iftaa

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


[1] و سبب وجوبها عقد النكاح المتأكد بالتسليم وما جرى مجراه من موت او خلوة أي صحيحة (الدر المختار ج3 ص504 سعيد)

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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