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Boundaries of the beard. Sunnah way to spend the first night with one’s wife?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

 

My first question:
-What are the benefits of beard?
-Does the hairs on cheek & throat counts in beard? 
-Can we trim our beard to make it look good?
-Can we shave from specific areas of our cheek to keep the beard in good shape?
My second question:
-What is the best or Sunnah way to spend your first night with your wife? 
-Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the first night of wedding?
-What is Haram & Halal in sex? (Anal sex & during wife’s menstruation, this is clearly indicated as Haram) Is there anything else Haram?
-Is oral sex allowed in Islam? (if yes), then is there any boundary restriction?
-Any restriction/prohibition on sexual positions?

 

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We as the bondsmen and slaves of Allah are obligated to follow His commandments and obligations without knowing their wisdoms and benefits. Allah is Hakeem (Wise) and His commandments contain hidden wisdoms. He has not commanded us to carry out any act which is void of benefit. However, those benefits are in Allah’s infinite knowledge. At times, certain benefits are outlined in the Ahadith of Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam and at times, ‘Ulama through their understanding mention certain benefits.

As far as the beard is concerned, in the story of Mūsā’s ‘Alayhis Salaam return to his people, he is angered, and takes hold of his brother’s beard and hair. Hārūn ‘Alayhis Salaam replies:

يَا ابْنَ أُمَّ لَا تَأْخُذْ بِلِحْيَتِي وَلَا بِرَأْسِي

“O son of my mother! Do not take hold of my beard, nor my head.” (20:94)

We can deduce from this that having a grown beard was the norm amongst the Ambiyā’ ‘Alayhimus Salaam.

It has been narrated in numerous Ahadith that it is part of the natural disposition of man to lengthen the beard. Hadhrat ‘Aishah Radhiyallahu ‘Anha narrates from Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam said, “Ten things constitute the natural (of man): Shortening the moustache, lengthening the beard, …”.[1]

Further, it has been narrated that these features, including the lengthening of the beard, were amongst the practices of Hadhrat Ibrahim ‘Alayhis Salaam. [2] Hence, the Qur’an alludes to the beard being a norm amongst prophets.

Shah Waliyullah al-Dihlawi Rahimahullah has listed the following wisdoms and reasons for lengthening the beard:

  1. It distinguishes between mature and immature males.
  2. The beard lends beauty to a man’s face.
  3. It perfects the manly appearance, hence it is necessary to lengthen it.
  4. It was the practice of the fire-worshippers (and the practice of majority of the Kuffaar). [Hence it leads to imitating the Kuffaar].
  5. Shaving/trimming it leads to altering the manner of the natural creation of Allah.
  6. A means of differentiating between the noble/pious people of the community and the lowly and immoral people.[3]

Recent medical research has also proven a number of medical benefits in keeping a beard.  Although the rulings of Shari’ah are not based on these, they may be referred to for additional benefits:

http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/natural-beauty-fashion/stories/5-health-benefits-of-beards

http://www.mensxp.com/health/fitness/9317-7-health-benefits-of-having-a-beard.html

http://healthyliving.msn.com/health-wellness/articlepage?cp-documentid=250058117

 

Hair of the Cheeks and Throat

It is permissible to shave the hair of the cheeks and the throat.[4] However, one should not trim anything that is in line with or below the jawbone.

 

Trimming the Beard to Look Good

Looking after one’s outer appearance and looking presentable is also part of Deen. This is understood from the following Hadith of Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam:

Ataa’ ibn Yasaar Radhiyallahu ‘Anhu says, “Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam was in the masjid, when a man entered who’s hair and beard were unkempt. Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam indicated towards him with his hand as though he was ordering him to neaten his hair and beard. The man neatened his hair and returned. Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wa Sallam said, ‘Is this not better than coming with unkempt hair like shaitan.’”[5] 

Hence, one may trim his beard in order to look presentable. However, it should not be trimmed less than a fist length.

 

Guidelines for the First Night[6]

The first night (Laylah al-Zufaaf) a couple spend together is perhaps the most important night in their marital life. Failure to observe correct moral etiquettes may result in long lasting negative effects in the relationship. Therefore, great care and caution should be taken at every step on this night. Hereunder are some guidelines for this night that will help one foster a good relationship and have a lasting good impression on one’s spouse:

  • The first time a man meets his wife should be only after his Nikah. A growing trend of going out with one’s fiancé before the Nikah is totally contrary to Shari’ah and has proven to be detrimental to the marital relationship.
  • The husband should meet his wife in a secluded place where there is no chance of disturbance and violation of privacy.
  • He should spend the night with her preferably at his own residence or that of a close relative. Spending the night at a hotel or holiday resort should be avoided as far as possible as these are places frequented by immoral people for the purpose of sexual pleasure. Nikah in contrast to this is an ‘Ibadah. Hence, it is inappropriate to begin such a noble ‘Ibadah in the tradition of immoral people.
  • The wife has left her parents’ home and will feel a little strange at the husband’s home in the beginning. The husband or his family should moderately furnish the couple’s room without extravagance so that she is comfortable and feels at home.
  • The husband should greet the wife with Salaam as soon as he enters the room and shake hands with her.
  • Thereafter, the husband should place his hand on the forelock of the wife and recite the following du’a:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِهَا وَخَيْرِ مَا جُبِلَتْ عَلَيْهِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّهَا وَشَرِّ مَا جُبِلَتْ عَلَيْهِ

Transliteration: Allahumma Inni As’aluka Min Khairihaa Wa Khairi ma Jubilat ‘Alayhi, Wa A’udhu  Bika Min Sharrihaa Wa Sharri ma Jubilat ‘Alayhi

Translation: ‘O Allah! I seek from You the good and blessings of this lady, and the goodness which You have created within her. And I seek Your protection from the evil of this lady, and whatever evil You have created in her.’

And the bride may recite this du’a:

اَللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِهِ وَخَيْرِ مَا جُبِلَ عَلَيْهِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّهِ وَشَرِّ مَا جُبِلَ عَلَيْهِ

Transliteration: Allahumma Inni As’aluka Min Khairihi Wa Khairi ma Jubila ‘Alayhi, Wa A’udhu  Bika Min Sharrihi Wa Sharri ma Jubila ‘Alayhi

Translation: ‘O Allah! I seek from You the good and blessings of this man, and the goodness which You have created within him. And I seek Your protection from the evil of this man, and whatever evil You have created in him.’

  • It is advisable to present a gift to her (e.g. some jewellery) and share some refreshments with her.
  • The husband should say words of love to her and make her feel at home. He should engage with her in light-humoured talk and say words that will make her happy and feel loved.
  • The couple should pray two rak’aat of nafl Salaah with the husband as the Imam and the wife following behind. The intention should be of making shukr to Allah for saving them from Haraam and granting each of them a suitable spouse. Coupled with that the intention of Tawbah, Tahajjud and Salaat al-Haajah should also be made.
    • Thereafter, they should supplicate to Allah to for goodness in the marriage, blessings, mutual love, faithfulness, chastity, marital success and pious children. A man once came to Hadhrat ‘Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud Radhiyallahu ‘Anhu and said, “I married a woman but I fear discord (between us).” He replied, “Love is from Allah and discord is from Shaytaan so that he creates in him an aversion towards what Allah has permitted. When she is brought to you, ask her to pray two rak’aat behind you.”

He then said, “Then supplicate: O Allah! Bless my family for me and bless me for my family. O Allah! Grant me their good and grant them my good. O Allah! As long as you unite us, unite us upon good. And if you separate us, separate us on good.”[7] 

  • It should be ensured that the couple perform their Fajr Salaah. It should not happen such that due to staying awake late, they sleep through the Fajr Salaah.

Intercourse on the First Night

Engaging in intercourse on the first night is not necessary. If both the spouses feel they are ready for it, they may do so. However, one should keep in mind the comfort of his wife. If she is reluctant or anxious, the husband should not persist in trying to convince her. He should approach the matter with calmness. She is not prepared, the husband should take her feelings into consideration.

 

Positions in Intercourse

There is no restriction on this in Shari’ah. Allah says:

نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَكُمْ فَأْتُوا حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ [8]

“Your women are tillage for you to cultivate. Approach your tillage from wherever you wish.”

 

Oral Sex

Kindly refer to the following link for our fatwa on oral sex:

http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/15982

 

For further information and detail, you may refer to the following link:

https://archive.org/details/IslamicGuideToSexualRelationsmuhammadIbnAdamAl-kawthari

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Nabeel Valli

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

www.daruliftaa.net


[1]   صحيح مسلم (1/ 223) [دار إحياء التراث العربي]

56 – (261) حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، وَأَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، وَزُهَيْرُ بْنُ حَرْبٍ، قَالُوا: حَدَّثَنَا وَكِيعٌ، عَنْ زَكَرِيَّا بْنِ أَبِي زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ مُصْعَبِ بْنِ شَيْبَةَ، عَنْ طَلْقِ بْنِ حَبِيبٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ الزُّبَيْرِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: ” عَشْرٌ مِنَ الْفِطْرَةِ: قَصُّ الشَّارِبِ، وَإِعْفَاءُ اللِّحْيَةِ، وَالسِّوَاكُ، وَاسْتِنْشَاقُ الْمَاءِ، وَقَصُّ الْأَظْفَارِ، وَغَسْلُ الْبَرَاجِمِ، وَنَتْفُ الْإِبِطِ، وَحَلْقُ الْعَانَةِ، وَانْتِقَاصُ الْمَاءِ ” قَالَ زَكَرِيَّا: قَالَ مُصْعَبٌ: وَنَسِيتُ الْعَاشِرَةَ إِلَّا أَنْ تَكُونَ الْمَضْمَضَةَ زَادَ قُتَيْبَةُ، قَالَ وَكِيعٌ: ” انْتِقَاصُ الْمَاءِ: يَعْنِي الِاسْتِنْجَاءَ

 

[2]   تفسير ابن كثير، قديمي كتب خانه، ج. ١ ص. ٢١٨)

وقال عبد الرزاق أيضاً، أخبرنا معمر عن ابن طاوس عن أبيه عن ابن عباس { وَإِذِ ٱبْتَلَىٰ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ رَبُّهُ بِكَلِمَـٰتٍ } ، قال: ابتلاه بالطهارة؛ خمس في الرأس، وخمس في الجسد، في الرأس: قص الشارب، والمضمضة، والاستنشاق، والسواك، وفرق الرأس، وفي الجسد: تقليم الأظفار، وحلق العانة، والختان، ونتف الإبط، وغسل أثر الغائط والبول بالماء. قال ابن أبي حاتم: وروي عن سعيد بن المسيب ومجاهد والشعبي والنخعي، وأبي صالح وأبي الجلد نحو ذلك، (قلت): وقريب من هذا ما ثبت في صحيح مسلم عن عائشة رضي الله عنها، قالت: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: عشر من الفطرة: قص الشارب، وإعفاء اللحية، والسواك، واستنشاق الماء، وقص الأظفار، وغسل البراجم، ونتف الإبط، وحلق العانة، وانتقاص الماء، ونسيت العاشرة، إلا أن تكون المضمضة

[3]   حجة الله البالغة (1/ 507) [زمزم]

واللحية هِيَ الفارقة الصَّغِير وَالْكَبِير وَهِي جمال الفحول وَتَمام هيأتهم فَلَا بُد من إعفائها، وقصها سنة الْمَجُوس، وَفِيه تَغْيِير خلق الله، ولحوق أهل السؤدد والكبرياء بالرعاع

 

[4]  الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (6/ 407) [أيج أيم سعيد]

 وَلَا يَحْلِقُ شَعْرَ حَلْقِهِ، وَعَنْ أَبِي يُوسُفَ لَا بَأْسَ بِهِ ط. وَفِي الْمُضْمَرَاتِ: وَلَا بَأْسَ بِأَخْذِ الْحَاجِبَيْنِ وَشَعْرِ وَجْهِهِ مَا لَمْ يُشْبِهْ الْمُخَنَّثَ تَتَارْخَانِيَّةٌ

 

 

[5]   موطأ مالك ت الأعظمي (5/ 1384)

3494/ 756 – مَالِكٌ، عَنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ أَسْلَمَ؛ أَنَّ عَطَاءَ بْنَ يَسَارٍ أَخْبَرَهُ قَالَ: كَانَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي الْمَسْجِدِ. فَدَخَلَ رَجُلٌ ثَائِرَ الرَّأْسِ وَاللِّحْيَةِ. فَأَشَارَ إِلَيْهِ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِيَدِهِ أَنِ اخْرُجْ. كَأَنَّهُ يَعْنِي إِصْلاَحَ شَعَرِ رَأْسِهِ وَلِحْيَتِهِ. فَفَعَلَ الرَّجُلُ، ثُمَّ رَجَعَ. فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم: «أَلَيْسَ هذَا خَيْراً مِنْ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ أَحَدُكُمْ ثَائِرَ الرَّأْسِ كَأَنَّهُ شَيْطَانٌ؟».

[6]  This section has been adapted from:

–          Ashraf’s Blessings of Marriage, Pg. 102

–          Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations, Pg. 116-120

[7]   مصنف عبد الرزاق الصنعاني (6/ 191)

10460 – عَنِ الثَّوْرِيِّ، عَنِ الْأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ أَبِي وَائِلٍ قَالَ: جَاءَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ بَجِيلَةَ إِلَى عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، فَقَالَ: إِنِّي قَدْ تَزَوَّجْتُ جَارِيَةً بِكْرًا، وَإِنِّي قَدْ خَشِيتُ أَنْ تَفْرِكَنِي، فَقَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ: «إِنَّ الْإِلْفَ مِنَ اللَّهِ، وَإِنَّ الْفَرْكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ، لِيُكَرِّهَ إِلَيْهِ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَهُ، فَإِذَا أُدْخِلَتْ عَلَيْكَ فَمُرْهَا فَلْتُصَلِّ خَلْفَكَ رَكْعَتَيْنِ»، قَالَ الْأَعْمَشُ: فَذَكَرْتُهُ لِإِبْرَاهِيمَ، فَقَالَ: قَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ: ” وَقُلِ: اللَّهُمَّ، بَارِكْ لِي فِي أَهْلِي، وَبَارِكْ لَهُمْ فِيَّ، اللَّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِي مِنْهُمْ، وَارْزُقْهُمْ مِنِّي، اللَّهُمَّ، اجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا مَا جَمَعْتَ إِلَى خَيْرٍ، وَفَرِّقْ بَيْنَنَا إِذَا فَرَّقْتَ إِلَى خَيْرٍ “

 

[8]   البقرة: 223

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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