Assalamu alikum wa rahmatullahi respected Mufti sahb,
I moved to Pakistan with my husband and 2 kids from U.S. 2 1/2 yrs. ago for the sole purpose of my husband acquiring Deeni knowledge. Allah swt gave me a chance as well to attend a madrassa for a short course. Recently our younger son who is 4 1/2 yrs. old got into an accident in which his right big toe got deeply injured. Due to fazl of Allah swt it
didn’t have any effect on the function of his foot at all, Alhumdulillah. Mismanagements and non-courteous behavior here makes us miss home and wanting to go back before time. The thing that worries me is his reaction to the fact that his toe doesn’t look the same as before, and the worst of all is the fear of peoples’ comments & questions. Although he is a very strong child, still there could be times of distress.
1) How can we better comfort and console him from Deeni point of view? Any stories of Sahaba ra relating to such an incident?
2) Could hardships come upon one due to one’s parent(s) sins?
Please support the answers with Qur’anic ayaat and/or Ahadith. Also, please accept my earnest request of keeping my query private by not posting it on your website, instead you can simply reply back to my email address. Jazakallahu khairan for your efforts.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Jazakillah ghair for writing to the institute regarding your son’s injury. I wish to remind you that children are very resilient and adapt well to loss of a body part due to injury. You may have noted that children who are born blind or cripple do well as they are growing up and they adapt under the circumstances. In fact, we find that when they grow up, they insist on being treated as ‘normal’ and do not want special treatment. Most of them are offended when they are considered as handicapped or as ‘special cases’. Sister, it is understandable that you feel so concerned. If you do not make it an ‘issue’ and if you treat this as one of the trials of ‘growing up, he wont even notice the injury in a few months or so. A lot of children pick up vibes from parents. If they note that the lack of a digit or whatever other physical challenge they have has become a problem for their parents,they develop a complex about it. If he has got into this mode already, try to let him know that Allah Ta’ala loves him and that the injury was the will of Allah Ta’ala. That it didn’t happen because he is a bad boy.
You can also let him know that he is very special to you too. He needs to know that he is loved all the more despite of the change in his toe, he is still your child and no matter what, he will always be loved for who he is and not just for his physical appearance. He will wear socks and shoes so this injury will not be prominent will it? Sister, children at this age accept an honest short responses and they do not really dwell on the ‘why’ and ‘the’ wherefore of what has happened to them. Allow him to ask the questions and give him short honest replies. You will note that he will just accept your answer and off to play again. By all means read the stories of the bravery of the prophets and the Sahaba to him.
Sister, all sickness and mishaps are a trial and a test from Allah Ta’ala. Some parents lose their children when they are just one day or a few hours old. Some children meet with severe accidents and the parents have to feed and bathe them for the rest of their lives.Some children are born with severe mental, physical disabilities or even develop emotional disabilities and problems later in life. Allah Ta’ala has plans for us which we sometimes cannot understand nor comprehend. The important thing is that we deal with these difficulties with patience when they are upon us, and ask Allah Ta’ala to give us and our offspring something better in return. Allah Ta’ala is not a cruel Allah. He does not wish us harm for the sake of harm. Each difficulty is a test for only He knows whether your son was protected from a greater tragedy at that moment. It could be that the duas of his parents were answered and Allah Ta’ala protected him from losing a leg, have you thought about that?
Allah says in the Quraan, “Maybe you dislike a thing whereas it is better for you”.
Do also remember that if you have already made sincere tawbah and if you have not returned to your previous sins, then most certainly our most forgiving, most merciful Allah Ta’ala has forgiven you. My hope is that you will complete your studies so that you can pass on your knowledge to others when you return to your country. May Allah Ta’ala guide and protect you and your family. Ameen.
And Allah knows best
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah