I am a muslim and have been practicing my religion. I love Allah and I love his prophet. I feel the pain when I see fellow muslims under persecution and oppression. I study Quran and Ahadith with a view to better myself as a muslim.
But growing up, passing through certain stages, I have committed some sins. I have abstained from any sexual encounter with women so far. But shameful as it may sound, I admit that I have felt lusted after men and occasionally gratified my carnal desired with some men. Although, I have never done anal sex with other men, I kissed, fondled, allowed to be fondled orally as well and have performed oral on a few of these occasions. My inner self somehow tries to convince me that I cant be considered ‘zani’ or ‘sodomite’ as I have abstained from penetrative sex. How far is that a correct presumption?
There has been a strong pressure for me to get married. I do have attraction toward women. Thought I have done some stupid stuff with men, I never liked it while doing it. While searching for marriage partner, should I look for another ‘zani’ women as according to Quran a zani should not marry with a clean slate muslim (of course if my above declaration qualifies me being a zani).
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We are pleased to hear that you are putting an effort in practicing Islam. It is your Iman and the love for Allah and the hate for sins which has brought you to confess your sin. We understand the fact that it is sometimes hard to avoid committing sins residing in such places where fitna is prevalent. But one must acknowledge that this is a test from Allah to see who abstains from sins. This act of yours is indeed a despicable one. You should make sincere taubāh and repent to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’a’ā to forgive you.
Regarding marriage, it is wajib (compulsory) upon you to get married as soon as possible if you fear that you are unable to protect yourself from falling into fitna.[1]
The verse that you have mentioned is:
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ أُولَئِكَ مُبَرَّءُونَ مِمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَهُمْ مَغْفِرَةٌ وَرِزْقٌ كَرِيمٌ (القرآن 62: 24)
Evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women. And chaste women are for chaste men, and chaste men are for chaste women. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.
(Quran: 26:24)
In this verse, the common principle is stated that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’alā has created a connection between the people of the same nature. Thus, immoral women are inclined towards unchaste men and vice versa. Similarly, pure women are inclined towards pure men and vice versa. Therefore, everyone tries to find the spouse according to ones inclination and liking, and in a natural way one does find one to suit him or her.[2] It does not mean that it is impermissible for immoral people to marry chaste people.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Abdul Hannan Nizami,
Student Darul Iftaa
USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
[1] بدائع الصنائع في ترتيب الشرائع (2/ 228) المتوفي سنة 587 دار الكتب العلمية
لَا خِلَافَ أَنَّ النِّكَاحَ فَرْضٌ حَالَةَ التَّوَقَانِ، حَتَّى أَنَّ مَنْ تَاقَتْ نَفْسُهُ إلَى النِّسَاءِ بِحَيْثُ لَا يُمْكِنُهُ الصَّبْرُ عَنْهُنَّ وَهُوَ قَادِرٌ عَلَى الْمَهْرِ وَالنَّفَقَةِ وَلَمْ يَتَزَوَّجْ يَأْثَمُ
البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق ومنحة الخالق وتكملة الطوري (3/ 85) المتوفي سنة 970 دار الكتاب الإسلامي
(قَوْلُهُ: وَهُوَ سُنَّةٌ، وَعِنْدَ التَّوَقَانِ وَاجِبٌ)
[2] التفسير المظهري (6/ 484 (مكتبة الرشدية – الباكستان
الْخَبِيثاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثاتِ وَالطَّيِّباتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّباتِ قال اكثر المفسرين معناه الخبيثات من الكلمات يعنى كلمات الذم والتحقير والشتم ونحو ذلك يستحقها الخبيثون من الناس والخبيثون من الناس يستحقون الذم ونحو ذلك والطيبات من الكلمات من المدح والثناء والدعاء يستحقها الطيبون والطيبون يستحقون الطيبات