I have a very big problem right now and I need help. I am engaged to this girl who I openly trusted with all my heart I love her so much.
She basically asked me if she could go on holiday with her friends and additionally there would be older ladies going with them as a group including her friends mum.
She basically lied to me because I would never let her go otherwise and she really wanted to go. Instead she went with her friend and another guy. All the time she was on holiday she never mentioned anything and pretended that she was with the latter she said she would go with.
After she came back from the holiday she revealed to me that she regrets making a big mistake. She told me that she got drunk and committed zina with the guy that she went on holiday with and was asking me to forgive her.
This is not the first time she has broken my trust last time she went partying with her friends. I don’t know what to do.
Islam says be merciful towards the one that make mistakes but I can’t take this. She is crying and wants to kill herself. I don’t know what to do.
I can’t get over it that she actually did such shameful thing and broke my heart. Please help me. What do I do? Do I get rid of her, or do I not talk to her and then forgive her?
She promised and promised that it was a big mistake and the intoxicants made it worse and she would never do it again. What do I do brother please I need help. She’s still crying I don’t know what to do.
Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
Jazakallah for writing to us. Brother, I will be forthright with you. This girl has not broken your heart. She has actually done you a great favour because she has revealed her true colours to you. You should thank Allah Ta’ala that you are not married her. What would you have done if you had discovered all this after you got married to her?
You have to think seriously about your future actions too. It is totally haraam to be in a relationship with a woman before marriage. In fact, you should make lots of istigfar, shukr and turn your life around completely. It is through the mercy of Allah Ta’ala that you learnt about this before marriage. It is imperative that you give up dating and “giving your heart” to women before you are married. Concentrate instead on developing your relationship with Allah Ta’ala. Learn about what is required of you as a true Muslim. Try and live your life in searching for and seeking the pleasure of your creator and not from women who are haraam for you.
Seek His guidance in choosing a marriage partner. The woman you should marry has to have the qualities of a pious woman who has the love and fear of Allah Ta’ala in her heart. You should choose a woman whom you would want to be the mother of your children. Most definitely not a woman who lies, cheats, commits zinna and drinks alcohol.
Do not contact her again but send a message to her via a friend. She should make an appointment to receive counselling to deal with her issues. She should also start attending madrassa to learn the duties and responsibilities of a Muslimah and to obey Allah Ta’ala’s commandments.
If she threatens to kill herself, that is her choice. She appears to be an unstable person and if you persist in being with her, you will destroy your life. It is a decision you must make and then responsibility for your choice. May Allah Ta’ala guide both of you, ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sister Fadila,
B.A. (Sociology & Psychology) Unisa.
Social Work (NDP) Unisa.
Contact : 031 207 6483
082 833 9755
Durban, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net