I m a doctor from usa. I finished my medical school from pakistan while I was admitted there by scholarship so I left usa to go to pakistan.
Their I joined the madrasa and started niqaab. After my study is complete I had to come back to usa because my father is here who is the one who actually supports me.
Now my father is not accepting my niqaab at all and everything I go to find a job as a doctor he discourages me and I have found it so hard to find a doctor position in usa.
I have no other choice. I m not married yet that I can convince my husband to move. My dad is so authoritative and he is hypertensive and depressive patient. If I argue with him or even tell him politely his bp shoots and he has to take medicines. Please guide me the right path. I m very upset and I want to continue my career as a doctor but I m not ready to take my niqaab off.
Assalāmu `alaikum Warahmatullāhi Wabrakatuh,
Jazakillah khayr for writing to us regarding, firstly your difficulties in trying to please Allah Ta’ala and on the other hand trying to please your father also. Sister, do please remember that no matter what your father says to you, you have to respect him and speak gently to him. I understand that it can be very frustrating, upsetting and difficult to talk to someone about why you are wearing a niqab. It is also important to be aware that your parents always deserve to be respected.
You are totally within your rights to wear niqab. You do not have to give it up if you do not wish to do so as it appears that to you, pleasing Allah Ta’ala is more important than pleasing human beings. So when your father starts challenging or attacking you, silently (in your mind) make dua for him and also make istigfar but avoid answering and retaliating. You know that you are in his house and at present you have nowhere else to go. Not that I am saying you should leave but as long as you are with him, try by all means to keep the peace. You are the younger one and it is Allah Ta’ala’s commandment that we should not even say “oof” to our parents. I can understand that it will be difficult to get a job as a doctor in USA as conditions have turned against Muslims as a whole.
How about thinking of doing some other studies from home that will allow you to earn and grow in your field until conditions improve? I know it is difficult not to be able to practice in the field of your qualification but I guess you need to become creative in how you deal with the difficulties. Many doctors in South Africa are studying parallel medicine like Tibb medicine / acupuncture/ homeopathic and flourishing from their own practices.
I do not understand the part of your question where you mention that ‘yet I can convince my husband to move.’ Are you saying you are getting married or married already and you want to move elsewhere? Sister do not despair. Your father will Insha’Allah understand the virtue of your choice sometime in the future. Consider this as your test from Allah Ta’ala.
Perhaps your sincerity is being tested and Allah Ta’ala is drawing you closer to Him by placing this difficulty before you. Do remember that our predecessors gave up their homes, wealth and even lost their lives so that deen could to us and the future generations. Perseverance, patience, dua and steadfastness are required from you. You have much work with respect to your deen. Who knows, you may become one of the great ladies of Islam by inviting many hundreds to deen and a pure way of life. May Allah Ta’ala ease your difficulties, keep you steadfast on imaan, guide your father and your family towards obeying Allah Ta’ala’s commandments, ameen. You may write again if you wish.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
B.A. (Sociology & Psychology) Unisa.
Social Work (NDP) Unisa.
Contact : 031 207 6483
082 833 9755
Durban, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Muftī Ebrahim Desai.