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Q : (Nikah) Does my silence on these incidents whether I liked him saying such stuff or not have any affect?Are these utterances considering that they happened over a social networking site where others could see these ….

Brother , I am an overly sensitive girl who easily becomes a victim of depression due to ‘weham’ of different sorts.I would like you to listen to me and help me get rid of my doubts. Please do answer my query for the sake of my mind’s peace.

I have always studied in co-ed and have Alhumdulillah never done anything wrong.However some years back I met this boy on  a social forum site called orkut.We became friends and the boy started liking me.I told him that theres nothing like that from my side and he’s only a friend.However over the period of time I also fell for this boy.The boy was sincere and wanted to marry me so was I.My family did not agree for the marriage so later I stopped talking to him.I’ve never met him in real.Only know him through msn chats and orkut.I dont talk to him anymore because a)my family stopped me from doing so 2)for the fear of God.

I am a normal Muslim who’s not well-aware of the details of religion.Some days back I heard that nikah is valid even if carried out as a joke.Though nothing like that happened with me but since I have found out this , a lot of old messages are coming back to my memory which are putting me into doubt about this nikah business.They might sound stupid to you but please do reply me.

I have read that witnesses are important for a marriage to take place.This puts me into doubt about the following messages :

1.The boy once said to me ‘I am your e-mehram’ – As far as I remember I deleted this message because I didnt like him saying that.This happened over orkut , in the scrapbook where many people can see your private messages.(Although I remember not liking the message and deleting it , I get this ‘weham’ that may be I liked it , may be my saying nothing to him in response despite disliking the message and deleting it made anything like nikah effective…may be other people on th the internet read it …may be this witness thing comes true and may be the nikah has happened even though as a joke – please clear my doubts )

2.Again on orkut he’s said stuff like MY xyz (xyz being my name)

3.Once talking about someone enquiring about my surname the boy said , ‘tell him your surname is T (T being his name)

Whenever that happened I had not admitted to him that I liked him but he had an idea.Does my silence on these incidents whether I liked him saying such stuff or not have any affect?Are these utterances considering that they happened over a social networking site where others could see these messages have anything to do with nikah being validated?I am sure there was nothing of this nikah thing in the boys mind nor was it there in mine.

Also ,

On text messages  the following messaging took place :

1) While talking about his future family , I told him to go and talk such stuff to his imaginary wife and not me.I knew in my mind somewhere that he might reply that I am his imaginary wife.He said  ‘you are my imaginary wife and real also’.I think on this ‘real’ thing i told him not to talk rubbish.I dont remember clearly.

2)Again when I told him I cant marry him , he said ‘You are mine’ – meaning that he was not ready to see me getting married to anyone else.

3)When I told him the marraige cant take place , I shared my feelings with him for the first time that he’ll always remain my best friend and my soulmate.My family can get me married to anyone else but he’ll remain my soulmate.They can’t take that away from me.

Now my question is , do such conversations mean that a marriage has taken place?Nothing like this was there in my mind unless I heard that nikah is validated even in joke.Though this was not even a case of nikah in joke but the weham in my mind will not let me be in peace unless you give a proper reply.

I dont talk to this boy.I have cut all contacts with him.If he shows these messages to anyone.Does the witness thing become effective?…..though I believe he was a sincere person who respected me a lot.And still does.I told him not to talk to me and he’s keeping away from me…but still it comes into my mind that what if he had shown these text messages to anyone.Would talk make the witness thing effective?

I know I might sound foolish but PLEASE Sir , Please give me a satisfactory answer. I just have this doubt in my mind that I might have done some sin in ignorance.

I know I shouldnt have talked to this boy in the first place but I really need to get an answer for my question no matter how foolish they sound.

Answer

In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh

Insha Allah, I hope that this message reaches you in a state of strong faith and good health.

Islam is a complete deen filled with wisdom from the All-Wise.  Certain actions may seem harmless on the surface, but in reality, they can be detrimental to one’s status in the next life as well as their quality of living in this life.  For this reason, these apparently “harmless” actions have been prohibited in our religion. 

 

One of those acts is unnecessary communication with the opposite sex.  This includes email, forums, SMS, chatting, etc. even though you may never even see the other person or hear their voice.  The reason behind such modes of communication being prohibited is because they can open the door for more dangerous methods of communication, such as telephone calls or even meeting in person.  There is a basic principle in our religion that serves as a preventative medicine from the many types of spiritual diseases.  It is known as sadd al-dharā’i‘ or “blocking the means to evil”.  This principle is derived from the Holy Qur’an and there are many examples to illustrate this point.  One example is where Allah states:

 

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةًۭ وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًۭا

“And you shall not ever approach illicit sexual intercourse.  Indeed, it is utter lewdness and a most evil way.” Sūrah al-Isrā’: 32

In this verse, Allah the Exalted is not only prohibiting us from illicit relations, but He is also preventing us from doing anything close to it.  Therefore, being alone with someone of the opposite sex and of a marriageable status is prohibited even though it is not an evil act in itself.  The two people alone in the room can both be God-fearing and not even look at one another, but because being alone with someone of the opposite sex is approaching towards the act of fornication it has been prohibited.  This is an illustration of “blocking the means to evil” and if we live by this principle, then, insha Allah, we will be safeguarded from many unnecessary difficulties. 

Regarding your doubts, based on what you have mentioned in your inquiry, marriage between you and the other person did not take place.  A condition for the realization of marriage is the presence of two witnesses at the time of the proposal for marriage and the acceptance of that proposal.  Although you are correct in your statement that a marriage will take place even in the case of joking if all conditions are met, your particular case did not meet those conditions.  Not only were you lacking the presence of two witnesses, but the proposal and acceptance were also insufficient, all of which are conditions for a valid marriage.  Therefore, you should erase all doubts that you may have regarding this boy.  The two of you are not married. 

Lastly, continue to refrain from furthering your communication with that boy in particular, and any boy in general.  This will be a way of bringing the Islamic principle of “blocking the means to evil” into your life, along with saving you from any unwanted grief.  Keep good company and busy yourself with more productive activities.  A good start towards this would be furthering your Islamic knowledge and getting more acquainted with the basic details of religion. 

May Allah the Exalted grant you the strength to follow all that is good and avoid all that is evil.  Āmīn. 

And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best

Wassalāmu ῾alaykum

Ml. Musa Sugapong,
Student Dārul Iftā

 Checked and Approved by:

 Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah

 

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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