I m a girl. i had one younger sis and brother. my mom is principle.she is 45years old. she is principle in secondry school. my father lives abroad. from almost 14 years. In a year he usually come on both ids,my moms birthday & anniversary. my father love my mom& blindely trust on her. four months before i found that my mom in relatio with one man(50years).he is mom’s school’s trusty and as well as my colege’s managing director. he is very clever person.he enter my moms life through me.
3years before my mom took my admision on his college,before that my mom and that man relation was only official. my mom is so caring about me so she was calling that man once in a week to know my performance etc. slowly slowly that man cut the formal relation and become my mom’s freind.four months before my mom had official problem so that man help mom to handle that situation. so they both are engage, they talk on phone, meet outside evenin ramdaan month also.
i lost my patience, some time i missbehave with mom, after some time i feel guilty because she is my mom & i read in quran “missbehaving with your mother is a major sin”. please please please help me out what can i do? can i tell this to my father? is it right. can i talk with that man? plzzz help me….
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Jazakallah khayr for writing to us regarding a very troublesome but sensitive issue.
This matter must be very difficult for you as it concerns your mother and your whole family. May Allah Ta’ala guide your mum and your whole family and protect all of you from shaitaan’s clutches, ameen. Sister, you are correct in being concerned that your mother is having too much contact with the managing director of the school.
Your mother should be dealing with him only on the basis of “urgent matters” and only if necessary. There is no need to call every week or even every month for that matter. The precepts in Islam are very clear on the relationships of non-mahram men and women in Islam. We have to maintain ‘purdah’ from non-mahram men at all times There is no reason to be meeting with the director as your mum can easily speak to the teachers and lecturers who are more in touch with your progress.
You are correct also in being so upset because your father’s right is that whilst he is not at home, your mum and his family should be careful about their modesty. Have you ever asked your dad if he could work at home now that he has been away from home for so long? Perhaps if you tell him that you and your sisters miss him a great deal and that you want him to come back to your home and work locally now.
You also write that you have been angry with your mother and that you have lost your patience. I think it is only right that you feel upset about what you are aware of. However, you are not to shout at mum or insult her. Try to reason with her and tell her that Allah Ta’ala cannot be pleased if what she is doing is against His commandments. You can also remind her that your dad’s rights are that she should not allow any man to come home and that she should not be alone with any man whilst your father is away. It is most important that she remembers that Allah Ta’ala ‘sees all, hears all and knows all.
Remind her we are all going to meet with our Creator on the final day when we have to stand before Allah Ta’ala.” Speak about what all of us do when we are before our Creator. Where will we hide when we are before Allah Ta’ala on that day of Qiyamah when our eyes, legs, arms, tongue and every part of our body will give evidence against us if we have done wrong.
Try to obtain lectures about the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala, the high status that Allah Ta’ala has given to women and how precious we are and why we should protect ourselves from the evil of shaitaan and the traps of shaitaan. Any man will take advantage of a woman if she allows him to. Your mother has to protect herself and all of you from evil.
This is a very sad situation for you and your whole family. I suggest that you speak to your mother kindly and gently. Tell her what you are aware of and give her specific details of what you know. Tell her that it is not acceptable under any circumstances and that you would like her to cut off all ties with this man. Tell her that you will help her if he tries to blackmail her or bully her.
Say that you will expose him if she makes the excuse that he will take her name through the mud. You need to encourage your mum to give up being with this man. If she does not listen to you, then tell her that you are going to speak to her brothers about it and that you will put a stop to it. Try and help her to get out of the situation without your father coming to know about it and do not get angry with her.
Since you are her daughter, try to help her to get out of the situation in the best way you can. At the same time, you cannot keep quiet about it so if she does not take heed of your warnings, you will have to speak to her brothers or parents. If she still continues, then you should speak to the local imaam or a very wise and learned person in your community. After that if she still persists, then you should tell your father. May Allah Ta’ala guide and help you and your mum in this matter, ameen.
And Allah knows best
Wassalaamu `alaykum
Social Dept.
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah