I have one question regarding Mehram and Ghair Mehram. I am a seventeen year old boy am I allowed to talk to my (female) cousins and am I allowed to work with females as a muslim?
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
As Muslims we are very fortunate to be the followers of such a deen which is complete and comprehensive. In our daily lives we ought to be cautious of how we interact and socialise with people, but there are certain rules which must be followed strictly in order to repel any attacks of shaitaan.. There are two issues which need to be discussed:
1. Chastity
2. Family Ties
As a young boy, you are growing up and will be experiencing biological changes as a result, these biological changes will have an effect on your outlook of life. It is natural that you will be attracted to the opposite gender. Therefore, you need to be extra cautious in this regard. The religion of Islam is so perfect and pure, even to the extent of educating us on how to protect ourselves when faced with such trials. Lower your gaze and avoid intermingling. If you grasp onto this, not only will you be saved from fitnah, but will also be rewarded tremendously in this world and the hereafter
Hijab is compulsory as well as family ties. This, you will have to do without compromising on each other.You can maintain family ties without violating the laws of hijab. It is our misunderstanding that family ties should be sustained at all costs, even at the cost of compromising our deen. “Family ties” means to render service to family members, to be kind and helpful to them, to go to their aid when they are in need, to spend on them within the limits of one’s income, to give them Deeni Naseehat, to overlook their faults and not to fight with them etc….Nabi (Sallallahu alaihi Wasallam) has emphasised greatly on this pillar of deen and has reprimanded the one who severs family ties.
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship” [As Saheeh Al Bukhari]
“Allah’s mercy will not descend on people among whom there is one who severs ties of kinship.” [Baihaqi, Shuab Al-Iman]
In the Qur’an, Allah has cursed the one severing family ties.
وَالَّذِينَ يَنْقُضُونَ عَهْدَ اللَّهِ مِنْ بَعْدِ مِيثَاقِهِ وَيَقْطَعُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَنْ يُوصَلَ وَيُفْسِدُونَ فِي الْأَرْضِ أُولَئِكَ لَهُمُ اللَّعْنَةُ وَلَهُمْ سُوءُ الدَّارِ
“And those who break the covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e. they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives) and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse, and for them is the unhappy home (i.e. Hell)” [Surah-Ar-Rad V:25.]
Allah says: ‘I shall keep connection with him who maintains you and sever connection with him who severs you.’” [As Saheeh Al Bukhari]
However, if you are known to be a person who speaks freely and intermingles with your family and by cutting this off completely, will create a rift and generate a negative notion; then we advise you to approach the situation with caution. This is not a license for you to continue mingling with them freely. Your family, including your female cousins will sense your Allah consciousness and detect your intentions. By doing this you will still maintain family ties hence keeping them happy and more significantly making your Creator happy.
And Allah knows best
Wassalamu Alaikum
Ml. Ebrahim Desai,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah