I am attached to a girl so much and insha-allah I will be marrying her soon. In fact by heart Allah-talah witness we have accepted each other as husband and wife. I respect Allah Talah’s word in Holy Quran and fear him the most. My main concern is that my father wants to make my marriage a very big occasion which I don’t like. For this to happen I will also have to wait longer, and I am afraid I am getting impatient and want have my nikkah done as soon as possible I am also worried that our attraction & love to each other may prove curse to us, as we might lead to the biggest sin of jinna. My question here is can I get my nikkah done now without my parents concern and re-marry the same girl when ever my parents wish. We want to keep our relation sincere & pure and avoid doing Haraam. Please help me & also say some Duaa that will stop us from wrong doing
Jazakallah for submitting your problem to the institute. You write about your desire to marry as soon as possible as you have already found your match. Your family however wish to postpone the marriage due to their own reasons.
It is commendable that you realise that once your match is found, nikah should not be delayed. You are correct in not having a desire for a large wedding and in your case it appears that your parents need more funds before you can get married.
If one examines this situation, there are three important lessons all parents should take note of. Firstly, the couple wish to make nikah as soon as possible as they do not wish to incur Allah Ta’ala’s wrath by seeing each other out of nikah. Secondly, the parents want to delay the marriage, this goes against the teaching, ‘when the match is found, the nikah should be performed?. Another very important lesson parents should take note of is that ‘extravagance and show’ are despised by Allah Ta’ala. There is absolutely no precept in Islam for spending vast sums of money in weddings. Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) did not have big extravagant weddings, nor did he encourage the sahaba to have such huge occasions. These are innovations which have shamelessly adopted from the non-Muslims and we shamelessly ape them.
The walima ‘the wedding feast’ is a sunnah which is admirable to celebrate. There guide lines for this feast too. Besides one’s friends and family, the poor and indigent should be invited to partake in the feast too. One should spend according to one’s means and not incur debts in the process. The parents have to thus realise that in fulfilling a very loved act, namely, getting their son married, they should go all the way to please Allah Ta’ala so that their offspring can derive the greatest amount of blessings from Allah Ta’ala.
You also ask if you should perform nikah in secret and do so again publicly later. Your reason for a quick nikah is understandable. However, there are a number of things you should take into consideration here. How will your/her parents react if they discover you have ‘deceived’ them? What if she feels pregnant before your ‘offical’ nikah? Will she have a wali to witness her secret nikah? You should rather ask an imaam, a respected elder in your family or a trusted family friend to approach your father and inform him about your reasons for wanting an immediate nikah.
Your father can actually help to set both of you up in a home with the money he intends to spend on the wedding and he can donate some money to the unfortunate starving and homeless people. He will reap manifold rewards for fulfilling your rights and by helping you to avoid zinna. He will also earn Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure for avoiding extravagance and show. More than anything he will earn the duas of the indigent people who will benefit through his sadqaa.
May Allah Ta’ala guide all of you to earn His pleasure and to observe HIS commandments and the sunnah regarding the marriage ceremony (which on completion is half of your imaan). Ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
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CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai