My friend has been involved with a boy for the last couple of years. Their relationship began with internet chatting, but progressed to full boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Her parents were furious when they found out that she went out with him, and they lost their trust in her. After they found out, she was never allowed to contact him, until now. She contacts him behind their back, and she is again falling into the same trap of decieving her parents. I tell her to let her parents marry the two, but she refuses because she claims that they’ll never understand. What advice can i give her?
Jazakallah for submitting your question about your friend to the institute.
It is indeed unfortunate that your friend is persisting in disobeying and
deceiving her parents. Not only is she incurring Allah Ta’ala’s wrath for
disobeying His commandment of abstaining from intermigling with a ghair man,
she is also incurring His wrath for openly defying her parents and for going
near/into zinnah.
Even though her father is against her present behaviour, she is causing him
harm as he is her guardian and thus accountable to Allah Ta’ala. As Muslims,
all boys and girls should realise that this type of disobedience towards
parents has grave consequences for all concerned.
Muslim parents have an absolute right to stop their sons and daughters from
dating. This is not a case of being ‘old fashioned and backwards’. Dating
is a kuffar concept and also part of shaitaan’s design to mislead us off the
straight path and into Jahannum. Muslim parents are obeying Allah Ta’ala’s
commands and are also observing their children’s rights over them. Every
child has the right to be protected from zinnah.
She is also destroying many of her rights as a Muslim woman. Who will be
there to help her in her time of need when she has turned away from her
parents and Allah Ta’ala?
Her impulsive attitude puts her at risk of being taken advantage of. How
sure is she that this fellow will respect, treasure and honour her when he
already knows that she is capable of defying her parents? He could easily
string her along for as long as it suits him and take full advantage of her
by making her believe he will marry her. Yet he may decide to obey his
parent’s wishes and marry someone more ‘pure and modest’. He will believe
that it is his right to do so. He will already know that your friend is a
‘used item’. He could also be put off by the fact that if she could defy
her parents, she may even defy him as a husband and refuse to be a good
mother to his children and a good Muslim wife according to Sharia.
So it means he may not trust her as he knows of her defiant attitude.
I am sure you realise the dangers of chatting with strangers on the
internet. There have been reported cases of young girls and even women being
kidnapped and raped after meeting men via the chat rooms. It is commendable
that you are aware of the dangers your friend is in. Do try and convince her
and other friends to abstain from chatting with strangers in this way. This
is also a form of zinna as often the most coarse and disgusting language is
used by immodest men and women in these chat rooms.
There is so much to learn and so much knowledge one needs to gain as a
Muslim woman. A whole lifetime of learning is needed to discover the vast
treasure of Islam and it’s merits. Suggest to her that she should join you
in discovering the role, rights and position of women in Islam. Discover
what a high pedestal Allah Ta’ala has placed women on. She will discover
what a great contribution she can make to the lives of countless people and
how she can earn her place in Jannah, just by obeying Allah Ta’ala. This
life on earth is but temporary. Your friend is a pricless diamond, created
and loved by Allah Ta’ala. She should save herself for a man who will also
love her as such. Allah Ta’ala will grant her honour when she performs nikah
with a man. The opposite of that is disgrace in dating a guy. Allah Ta’ala
will not turn away from her until she abandons HIM by her continued defiance
against her parents and Allah Ta’ala Himself.
Your friend is an adult and has two choices. You can only try to show her
concern and try to help her give up being a friend of shaitaan. Impress upon
her that Allah Ta’ala is most merciful, most forgiving and that He loves
her. Insha’allah, she will accept the help you offer her and choose to
remain Allah Ta’ala’s beloved. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and all young
people to maintain their honour and to seek companionship and love of the
opposite sex in nikah only. AMEEN.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
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CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai