I have been having a relationship with a married man for a year now. The wife is not living with him yet, she is living in her country. He asked me to marry him last year before he married her but I was hesitant, and for one reason or another he married her. However, we have been seeing each other this past year and I have recently become pregnant. What should we do? We are both muslim, I am 20 and he is 29. As you can imagine it is a very hard situation, and nobody knows about it yet.
Jazaakumullah for your confidence in us. You most certainly can now understand the restlessness of engaging in an illicit relationship. Your first step would require you to stop the relationship with immediate effect and sincere Tawbah with a deep regret and remorse and a firm intention not to engage in a Haraam, illicit relationship.
1. As far as to marry or not to marry, would most certainly be an individual’s choice; just as no one can force you into an illicit filthy Haraam relationship.
2. However, you may go forward positively by considering your situation, possible outcomes, make incessant Tawbah, read your Istikhaara before making a decision, then whatever happens is in the will of Allah Ta’ala. To handle each situation with correct means, effort and Du’aa.
3. When considering your possible outcomes:
a. Sit down, positive and negative, weigh the pros and cons and how you intend handling the negatives.
b. Consider what was your hesitation to marriage.
c. What was his need to marry someone else.
d. What is the possibility of your relationship continuing despite your terminating it. Now, you will know your strengths and weaknesses, so be honest with yourself.
e. That you accept that he is now married and has his obligations towards his wife. That should you marry him and still keeps him bound to his first wife and children from her. That you cannot stop him from this. Consider, if you are prepared to accept this share of his love as you have no choice in the matter.
f. That you are carrying child ? rather Nikah early in pregnancy ? immediately to effect laws of inheritance than later or after childbirth.
g. That the options of upbringing and maintenance of your child, should you marry or not.
h. What is this man’s commitment/s to you. Does he have the weakness of indulging in other affairs too.
i. Consider the reactions of your families and how you would face the,
These and other possible options should be carefully considered without wasting much time before making your decision.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
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CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai