I?m 22yrs old; married. Allhumdulliah, I have a wonderful husband (23yrs old). But our relationship isn?t going well. We met in college 4 years ago. Got married 2 years ago. When we weren’t married we would spend much time with each other. We became good friends and realized our relationship has no name in Islam. We decided to get married. Now that we?re married our life is so different. I want to spend time with him. But he has no time for me. I feel alone and sad. When we got married we moved to another state for education. Our families live 4-6 hours away. I work full-time. I don’t drive or go to school. We don’t have any kids yet. I enjoy domestic shores. But when I want us to go out, he doesn’t want to. But if his friends tell him that they need to practice for basketball, he?ll make time. He works full-time, goes to school, drives, and plays basketball every Saturday. At times he stays at the mosques for hours while I wait at home. I like when he goes to the mosques but I wish he would make an attempt to spend time with me too. It’s fine with me if he wants to have other activities but I get aggravated when he doesn’t have time for us. Marriage is a beautiful thing but I?m beginning to regret it. I feel as if he only needs me to cook, clean and be there for him physically. I?ve told him repeatedly that we need to spend time with each other because I am beginning to get distant from him. How can I make him understand that I need his attention?
We commend you for taking the step to seek a solution to your problem. Stop and consider from both the sides, what is happening. What perhaps is keeping him away from home rather than attaching him to it.
Firstly, consider if your husband is faced with any possible problem, dilemma or relationship. Then consider your approach to him when he comes home, do you keep nagging him? Are you dressed in casual home clothes or do you spend time beautifying yourself in your best with hair and face done? besides the needs and necessities, can you take time to engage in other discussions, like the news, what interest you share, work, etc. or is your life governed by the TV? If there are any concerns, address them.
Also try a new approach to stir his interest. Remember, women can do it. You have done it before. Now, that it is Halaal and rewarding and encouraged. Beautify yourself, charm him with a romantic atmosphere, buy him gifts, etc. Remember, to maintain a marriage is a challenge and enjoyable. Make Tawbah for past sins and increase your Du’aa and connection with Allah Ta’ala. Do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Keep trying.
May Allah Ta’ala grant you both love, happiness and His pleasure.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai