My father is Palestinian and my mother is white. Although she died a few years ago, the American ideas her culture has is still in the family. My father originally was Muslim but has said things recently that makes it questionable. I want to get married to complete half my deen and not to go astray. however, if I ask my father, he will most likely get angry and be unopen to the idea. I am currently only 18, almost nineteen but I feel my desire to do marry is due to deen and unrelated to age. What is the best way to speak with my father as he would support myself and her while I am in college.
Jazakallah for your question and do please forgive me for the delay in replying. You write about the fact that your father is not Islamically inclined, that your late mother’s culture seems to be more prevalent in your parent’s home and that you wish to marry soon to complete half your imaan. However, it appears that you are not financially independent and that you are not in a position to be able to support a wife either.
Alhamdoelillah, it is highly commendable that you are concerned about protecting yourself from fitnah (temptation) and that you are concerned about preserving your imaan. Considering you are still young and dependent, do you not think it will be wiser for you to wait till you are financially independent before you get married? You personally have a concern about the atmosphere in your parent’s home which is not Islamically inclined. My apprehension is that your young “wife” could be influenced by what she sees and hears from your family members (against the practice of Islam).
Allow me to suggest that you try to obtain a part-time job so that you can start saving towards the future. Engage your heart and tongue in zikr more frequently, recite the Quran more often and increase your nafl salaah. Let your family see you involved in these activities and try to engage them by leaving Islamic literature around the house which they may be likely to read. Insha’allah this may give rise to positive questions and discussion. With your sincere effort and duas, Allah Ta’ala can change hearts and bring your family closer to HIM insha’allah.
A recommendation our Prophet, Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) made to young men who could not afford to support a wife even though they were
inclined to get married was: fast as often as possible so that your
natural desires are suppressed.
May Allah Ta’ala let you live with imaan, die with imaan and raise you up with imaan on the Day of Reckoning. May HE also assist you in overcoming the temptations shaitaan attempts to draw you into. Ameen.
Please do write again if you wish.
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai