If I have a mother who’s in her old age now, and never really cared for me when I was younger. She is now suffering from a severe medical problem, which means she is constantly having pus running down limbs. She is also far away in another country. I do not really want to go and look after her, as it will affect my business and my way of life. Anyway, it can be said it is also her fault for not really doing her job properly as a mother. Can I simply avoid looking after her by doing other good deeds like giving a lot of zakaat and dawah to non-Muslims around the place I live in? Does this cancel out my obligation and will my other numerous good deeds be accepted?
It is absolutely incorrect for you to think that your mother never cared for you, hence, you do not want to care for her.
Allah Ta’ala chose her to bring you in this world to experience and enjoy life. She carried you in her womb till birth. You cannot imagine the miserable times she may have experienced while carrying you. She could have terminated her pregnancy. What about her bearing the pain of birth? She alone was there to take care of you after birth. She may have showed you loved, kissed you, comforted you when you cried and were hungry. If she did not tell you all this, don’t take it for granted.
You may only recall things you remember. If you were a burden to your mother, she could have dumped you or abandoned you as is common today. You may then not even have known your identity. How can you be judgemental or your mother? Even if she was the worst of persons, she is still your mother chosen by Allah. It is Fardh upon you to take care of her. No greatest form of worship can be equivalent to being of service to your mother. Allah Ta’ala speaks about the rights of parents after the obligation of Tawheed (Oneness) in Him. Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, ?Paradise lies under the feet of your mother.?
Even a natural possible outburst against the mother is prohibited. Not even the expression of Uff. Leave aside being judgmental on her and leaving her to suffer away as a form of punishment for her not caring for you. Your mother made adjustments in her comforts, sleep, food, etc. when you were helpless. Now, you cannot do that for her based on materialistic loss and business. Make Tawbah for your approach and reform. Be good to your mother and make every adjustment to serve her. Value that doors of Allah’s mercy until it is open before it closed for ever.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai