My husband slaps me so hard that he bruises me if he perceives my tone of voice as rude or sarcastic or if I make a small mistake. He also keeps threatening me and telling me that he will divorce me and turn me out of the house every time he gets angry. (Although I don’t think that I am sarcastic or rude , I think he perceives it that way to justify his bad behavior). Also he uses a harsh tone of voice to talk to me and he is ill mannered and unkind to me on a daily basis. He also says things like you are of bad character and that you have a boyfriend and tries to apply “bhautan” on me and uses abusive words like “haramzadi.”. I pray and I am a woman of good character, I clean, cook and do all the housework. He Is a hypocrite and he appears to be very religious in front of others and tries to quote hadiths to appear very knowledgeable and gets respect from people outside this way .He is very kind and good to other people out side the house but he is cruel and abusive towards me. What Does the Quran and Sunnah say about such behaviors. I want to know if I am justified in thinking that I should leave a man like this and take Khula? .
It most certainly hurts seeing another sister going through the pain of physical and verbal abuse and unhappiness. You sound as if your confidence and self-esteem is broken. From what you say is inflicted on you, is most certainly unacceptable in Islaam. In fact when Zulm (oppression) is inflicted on a person, your duas reach Allah Ta’ala above the heavens and your duas are surely answered even if not immediately.
However from the ayaats recited in the Nikah khutba (from the Quraan), strong warning is given to the believers to fear Allah and not to do things that would displease Him. Furthermore one of the ayaats instructs men “to treat the women with kindness” (exemplary character/good conduct).
However despite the instructions and warnings in the Quraan and Hadith, it is sad that man persists in disobedience to his Creator and harms the creation. May Allah forgive him and guide him.
Nevertheless, there are possible solutions.
Firstly assess your situation ? have you thought of possible options to stop the abuse? Say no? Protect your self? All with the intention of firmly stopping ? not fighting back neither submitting and allowing out of fear? Try but ensure that you are near on exit to allow easy escape and inform some reliable neighbour, friend or family. Alternately seek intervention of a sound balanced just family member from your side to speak to someone on his side to jointly put a stop to the abuse and to build love, care and family bonding between you both. Seek intervention of a caring, rightly guided Aalim.
At the same time build your confidence by pondering on your beauty and positive qualities Allah Ta’ala has bestowed you with. Beautify yourself, indulge and spoil yourself to uplift your moods eg. Be it a new look (within something that you wanted pleasing to you etc.).
Become strong and believe you are good, smart and beautiful. Insha-Allah your husband would take interest in this new positive attitude and outlook.
Should all attempts fail perhaps seek temporary separation – not divorce with the intention of some elderly family member or Aalim. Try resolving and discussing with your husband possible options and solutions during this separation, to resolving your disputes with commitment.
However if you still consider divorce, look at long-term outcomes and feasibility. Would you manage? What is the need to separate? Would you manage financially? How would you manage? What about effects of divorce on the children? Was there ever a time that your husband was good to you and never beat you up? Is there then a possibility that he could change? Is he having an affair? Does he suffer from an inferiority complex? Or has he had a disturbing past or unfortunate experience? Was he beaten up as a child or learnt this habit from his father or other family members? Is there a financial problem?
After assessing all this perhaps with more information, further guidelines can be given.
And Allah knows best.
May Allah Ta’ala resolve your difficulties, grant you the great reward of Sabr that you have made and are making and grant you lifelong happiness in this world and the next.
You most certainly may contact us again. Jazakallah for your confidence in us.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
2SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai