I was inlove with someone that I could not be married to because of our families. However, I am married now to someone else, yet I still feel love for the other person. I feel that I should be married to the one I love. I always think of that person even during intimate moments with my spouse and I feel I am being untruthful and unfare to this marriage. I have tried for the past two years (since I’ve been married) to forget about that person and move on. I understand that to be in love or fall in love with someone other than your spouse in baseless according to Islam. But what shall a person do when facing this dilema? How do I achieve control over my emotions? Please understand that I have no communication or contact with the one I’m inlove with. We have not spoken since before my wedding 2 years ago. Your detailed answer will be greatly appreciated and helpful! InshAllah…Aslamalakum
There are two types of love: voluntary and involuntary.
The involuntary love is where there is a feeling of love in the heart. But
one does not cultivate or pursue this feeling. One tries to ignore this
feeling but it causes pain. For this pain, one will be rewarded. The more
one makes Sabr, uses one intellect and understands that it is not practical
to follow the demands of this love, then one is drawing closer to Allah Ta’
ala due to the Sabr (patience) one is adopting.
The second type of love is voluntary. After experiencing the feeling of love
in the heart, one contemplates about the beloved one. To have this type of
love for someone besides one’s wife is sinful. It is sinful to intentionally
fantasise about this other woman. If at the time of intimacy with one;s
wife, one fantasises about this other woman, then you will be considered to
be making Zina. You will get the sin of Zina because of your intentions
while your wife will get no sin.
The solution is to ignore this love in the heart. Do not contemplate or
fantasise about this person and avoid contact with her. If any thought about
this woman involuntarily enters the mind, ignore it. Ignoring it causes you
pain then make Sabr, for which you will be highly rewarded. If you pass away
in this state, then, Insha Allah, you will receive the reward of one who was
martyred in the path of Allah Ta’ala.
Make Du’aa unto Allah Ta’ala to replace the love of a mortal with his
eternal love. May Allah Ta’ala grant us all his true love, Aameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai