Asalam-alaykum, I want to get married to a guy that i feel is suitable for me, but my parents and his have not However our parents wont approve at this time, so we want to do nikkah in secret and then wait for them to approve. We read on another site that we can do nikkah through “proxy” since he lives in another state. They defined nikkah through “proxy” as him writing out a nikkah and having two witnesses sign it and then sending it to me thru mail, and having me sign it in the presence of two witnesses as well. Is this a valid form of nikkah given our circumstances? I don’t know how long our parents will take to talk to eachother and allow for us to get married, and although we may exercise patience and try to stop talking, I know we might eventually fall back into it and continue to talk. So we do want to do nikkah either way. We just want to know which way is acceptable. Also, what exactly must be written out in the nikkah paper? Would it be sufficient to simply say we both agree to marry eachother? How does it have to be worded in order for it to be valid? Please address all of my questions. 1). Is nikkah through “proxy” valid? 2). Would it be sufficient to simply say we both agree to marry eachother? 3). How does it have to be worded in order for it to be valid? Jazak Allah brother.
A Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past tense and in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2).
It is Sunnat that the marriage be announced and performed in the Masjid and the bride be represented by her Mahram (father, brother, etc.). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses and the stipulated dowry. The witnesses must be two trustworthy and pious male Muslims who are not her ascendants e.g. father, grandfather or decendants e.g. son, grandson, etc.
The Mahr (dowry) is the woman’s right and should be stipulated prior to the marriage.
The procedure of marriage via the internet is same as marriage by proxy where one of the partners (boy or girl) propose to marry the other. It is advisable that the proposal be written in front of two persons. However, this is not a precondition. (Shaami vol.3 pg.12; HM Saeed)
The two witnesses should also sign the document be sent to the other party, for example, in a foreign land and accept the written proposal in the presence of two witnesses. The presence of these two witnesses is a pre-condition. It is important to exercise extreme precaution by verifying the proposal and its witnessing to avoid any possibility of fraud and deception.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai