I believe that its naseeb and taqdeer and I cannot do anything to change it, but I still can’t cope with life this way. All family and friends are married, those who are engaged are waiting to get married, those who are married are expecting their child and those who have children are looking forward to see their children growing up. What am I looking for in life??? Nothing. If I was not beautiful, respectful, and a good person, I would have maybe accepted it, but right now I cannot find the answer as to why am I not getting married? Why is my life so mild and has no meaning? When God created Adam, he creat Eve for him not to live alone IN PARADISE, why is he leaving me alone?? lots of people are proposing , but none of them I find it the suitable man o be comfortable around., I look to religion the first thing, and when I find someone who will take me away from my religion, or not encouraging me to learn and be better in my islam, I stay away. I am indulging myself in being better at Quraan and learning more and praying and asking God in each prayer, but I feel like I God is not responding I want my life to end at this point, I don’t see a future in me getting married and I see myself growing older and lonely in this life. I hate life and I want to die before I find myself living in this world single whilst all the people around me are having their family, everyone is feeling pitty for me,hate it.How can I be stronger
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your despair. Please do remember that you have been created by Allah Ta’ala and that you are special to Him in every way.
One needs to think back as to why Allah Ta’ala created this world. He created this world for our comfort, use and enjoyment. However, why did He create us human beings? Even the angels asked Him this question, do you recall? Allah Ta’ala created us as the best from amongst all of His creation. He placed us on a level which no angel can ever reach and all He expected from us is that we should worship Him. How can and do we worship Him?
It is not only through dua, reciting the Quran, performing Hadj, giving zakaah, fasting and believing in the One Allah Ta’ala. It is also through accepting His plans for us, through giving thanks for the many favours He has bestowed upon us. Think of your health, your youth, your talents, intelligence. lets take it a little further, the functioning of your senses, organs, muscles, joints, the way each part of your body is synchronized as it functions in unison to every other part. The brain which no human can replicate. Even “Superman” sits there as a quadriplegic, spending millions of $, trying to find means to be able to move and walk again as Allah Ta’ala had created him at birth. Can you imagine what it would be like for you if you awoke one morning and you could not pass urine all day and all night, till your bladder filled up to bursting point and you couldn’t find a doctor to help you? Most certainly, you will be crying out “ALLAH ALLAH”. In our hour of need, He is be the One we all turn to.
Sister, allow me to remind you that one is allowed to desire death only when one is faced with a ‘deeni fitna’. That is, when one thinks that one’s imaan is at risk and it is better to die than to give up one’s imaan or have it destroyed. One may not ask for death for a ‘worldly fitna’ or desire. You have not only been created to enjoy the fruits of this world as I mentioned. You have also been created to give thanks and to worship your Creator. This worship encapsulates your patience, (sabr) your ability to give thanks to your Creator in times of difficulty and hardship and also to show endurance, steadfastness and strength of character when all else is falling apart around you. Please do not underestimate yourself. You have already displayed this strength of character by wanting to marry for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. It is commendable that you wish to make piety the main criteria in choosing your life partner. Allah Ta’ala is not unaware of this esteemed characteristic in you.
Has it occurred to you that perhaps Allah Ta’ala has helped you to reject each one of these suitors because in them there was something that was not good for your imaan? Allah Ta’ala’s plans for you are the best plans as you most certainly know. It may be that you are being protected from an abusive partner and that is why you have rejected the one’s who have come along. If you look hard enough, you find good (ghair) in what outwardly appears bad to you. Sister, being unmarried is not a sin nor is it a ‘defect’ in you. I know and understand that society expects you to be married, have children and be a ‘good housewife’s for ever more. You probably have comments sent your way which hurt you deeply. Please do ignore these outside influences. Concentrate instead on Allah Ta’ala, turn to Him and accept that if He has written a partner for you in this world, you will accept him. If Allah Ta’ala has not written a partner for you in this world, continue to worship Him, please Him and earn His pleasure in all you say and do and ask Him for your full rewards in the aakhirah.
Allow me to also suggest that you should try to engage yourself in activities which will help you to contribute to the enhancement of your family and community and at the same time earn Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure. You have skills which you have been endowed with, so use them to serve humankind. In this way you will be worshipping Allah Ta’ala by sharing part of yourself to benefit others. You need to understand that you are never alone. You seem to be aware of your relationship with Allah Ta’ala, so do go on remembering that He is always with you. Continue with the zikr, darood sharif, at least 500 times a day, duas, istigfaar and read the Quran in English (so that you understand what is conveyed to you and also expected of you). Insha’allah you will find fulfillment in serving your Creator to the best of your ability and please ignore the comments of others. May Allah Ta’ala grant you peace, tranquility and a partner to spend your life with. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai