I am desperate for some advice, I have known a girl for nearly 3 years now, we are in love, last year she got tricked into going Pakistan and they got her married, its been a whole year now where we both have been in pain and heartache beacause we want to be with eachother. We both pray everyday that we get married oneday, she does not want to live with her husband but can never hurt her parents and do anything silly like run away or ask for a divorce. I can honestly say I truley love this girl as I have changed my whole life for her, I have become a better muslim than I was before. Please help us as now she has no choice but to leave me because he is here. What can we do please help, I will perform Ishtikara soon. I am prepared to live my whole life in the pain im in just to be with this girl.
Jazakallah for your mail to the institute.
Brother, you say that you have changed your whole life and that you have become a better Muslim ‘for her’, a woman who is the wife of another. No brother, you are wrong. You should instead become a better Muslim for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala does not need you, you need Allah Ta’ala. In fact, at the moment you need His guidance, His forgiveness, His mercy and much more. You have to understand that once a woman is married, you have no right to have any contact with her without her husband’s knowledge and permission. Your contact with her is out of line. The right or wrong circumstances of her marriage are really not a matter for you to interfere with. She was and is not your mahram. If you knew her for three years, you should have made attempts through the proper channels to ask her parents to let her marry you. She is married to another now and you have to keep away from her.
I suggest that you immediately cease all contact with her. Be an honourable man and do the honourable thing. Do not contact her AT ALL and let her get on with her life. By encouraging her to think about you, you are interfering in her life, you are causing discord between a husband and wife and you are both incurring the wrath of Allah Ta’ala. If you are discussing how much you love each other, how much you think of each other, how you long to be with each other, etc. you are committing zina.
If you have forgotten, I will remind you that Allah Ta’ala is not pleased with any man who tries to break up the marriage of another. At the moment, you are shaitaan’s best friend as you are engaged in an activity which is most pleasing to him and it is most hated by Allah Ta’ala. If you have truly become a good Muslim, turn to your Creator and ask Him to join you to a worthy partner. Allah Ta’ala has written out the destiny for all of us. Put your faith and trust in your Creator and turn to Him for your needs. Human beings are temporal and finite. Let your love for Allah Ta’ala, His pleasure and His commands supercede what you think is love for a woman who is really the wife of another. Give up the direction your nafs have misled you to and seek the pleasure of your Creator. What guarantee do you have that if this woman divorces her husband and marries you, she wont leave you for another man whom she may meet and fancy later? How much trust will you have in her and how secure are you going to feel with her if she does leave her husband?
You say she won’t ask for a divorce nor run away with you. So what are you hoping for and waiting for? Please get yourself out of this situation immediately, make sincere taubah, seek Allah Ta’ala’s guidance, forgiveness and pleasure. Do not contact this lady at all. May Allah Ta’ala guide both of you and protect you from the clutches of shaitaan. ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai