We have been seperated from July 4,2003.On one occasion he said that as of october 1 we will no longer be together and we are seperated and that is the end of this marriage! is that divorce?Also we have 2 kids(special needs/disabled)which he wants nothing to do with! Since they have to be taken weekly to appointments with doctors and therapist,which i have been taking them to. Is it possible for me, when i am in iddat, to still keep on taking them since it is a neccessity and i have no one else to take them?Help in this matter would be greatly appreciated!(also if possible can you tell me if it is true that special needs children are a test from allah and not a punishment for our misdeeds/sins?and what is the reward for looking after such kids?)
Jazakallah for writing to the institute seeking assistance. May Allah Ta’ala in His infinite mercy grant you strength, patience and guidance to help you cope with your difficult situation, ameen.
It appears that your husband has virtually ‘discarded’ and ‘abandoned’ his children since he “wants nothing to do with them”. He is totally wrong in neglecting the responsibilities placed on him by Allah Ta’ala. These children are a gift from Allah Ta’ala to both of you. There are great rewards in the aagirah awaiting the parents who nurture, love and cherish children who are totally dependent on them for all their needs. Please do let me know what type of disability they have. You have to remember that although they may have ‘challenges’ in their various faculties compared to us, they have a guaranteed reward which we still have to strive for. They are guaranteed Jannah. By looking after them sincerely and without complaining, one earns the total pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. Yes, they are a test from Allah Ta’ala as they prepare one’s entry into Jannah too. Allah Ta’ala has chosen very special parents for this task and He has set aside special stages in Jannah for them too. A parent who rejects such a wonderful opportunity of earning Allah Ta’ala’s treasures is certainly a loser. He earns Allah Ta’ala’s wrath for rejecting the children he has been provided with. A husband can and may divorce a wife. Under no circumstances has he been given permission by Allah Ta’ala to abandon his helpless children.
Sister, I would like to point out to you that you should make sure that your husband provides fully for the upkeep, medication, nursing care, special care, transport costs etc. for your children. If he does not provide a caregiver for the children and if you are their only caregiver, he is Islamically obliged to recompense you the services you render in looking after his (and your) children. If he fails to adequately provide for the children, then I suggest that you turn to the law of the land and make sure that he fulfils his responsibilities. Do not let him get away with flimsy excuses. It is his loss if he is not prepared to share in loving and nurturing them. He still has a responsibility in making sure that they are well provided for as long as they are dependent on others for their daily needs.
It canot be easy for you to find yourself in this situation. My hope is that you do have family support systems to help you to cope with your daily challenges. Do remember that you are a fortunate woman to have two children who need you so very much. Do not believe the old wives tales that these children are a curse or a punishment. Every one of us are dependent on Allah Ta’ala for all our needs. Only the foolish amongst us believe that it is only through our own efforts that we earn excellent results in our endevours, the big salary, houses, cars etc. How easily we forget that Allah Ta’ala has to just say, “be”, and our hearts can stop beating, we can lose the use of our senses, mind etc. Would we then say that those losses are punishments? No, Allah Ta’ala gives us illness or some challenge in life as a mercy too. It is a means of us being able to remember Allah Ta’ala more and being grateful to Him that He has given us, alhamdoelillah, so much more than these two little children.
You have an added bonus that these children whom Allah Ta’ala created and fashioned, have been made dependent on you for their worldly needs. Rest assured that Allah Ta’ala is most pleased as long as you fulfill the needs of His helpless creations.
May Allah Ta’ala ease your difficulties and reward you most abundantly in this world and in the hereafter for being a caring, loving and concerned mother. Ameen.
Below is answer on the status of your Nikah by Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
The statements by your husband have dual and multiple meanings. They are not expressly statemently of divorce. If he made those statements with the intention of divorce, then only a Talaaq-e-Baain (irrevocable divorce) will take place.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai