Respected Ulema – Asalaamu-alaikum, I performed istikhtah as to whether I should get married in England or Pakistan. The outcome was not very clear however swayed my mind towards Pakistan. I have now been sent photographs of a prospective partner. The istikharah for this was OK. I was asked to go to Pakistan at Christmas to help me make a decision by my elders but the outcome of istikhtah was no. So which do I follow? Also it seems to me that there are many obstacles in me going to Pakistan and also issues there. Should I get married in England instead as the istikhtah was not clear? What is the potential outcome of going against istikhtah but only to follow the advice of the elders (family)? Please Advise ? Jazakallah Khair
Please do forgive me for the very long delay in responding to your mail to the institute. Insha’allah your problem was solved to your benefit. However, just in case you have not made a move yet, I shall attempt to address your mail.
You mentioned that your istigaarah swayed your mind towards Pakistan but then you state that when you were asked to go to Pakistan, your istigaarah was ‘no’. You also mentioned that you expected or experienced many obstacles as far as getting married in Pakistan was concerned.
From the above I get the impression that you had some misgivings or forebodings about marrying someone from another country. It could either have been that you expected problems from the country you are presently in due to bureaucracy or that you had other misgivings. Your elders advised you to think of a partner from Pakistan but you seemed unsure as your istigaraah showed otherwise. Brother, one has to make certain decisions in life and then take responsibility for them. There is no guarantee that if one ‘follows’ one’s istigaraah that the future will be or turn exactly as one expected it. On the other hand, one may follow and respect the wisdom and experience of the elders, and yet, one’s marriage may break down.
It is important that one makes an informed decision. Get as much information on the prospective partner from as many knowledgeable respected persons as possible. You have to also take into consideration what you are looking for in a wife. It can happen that you may end up choosing someone who is highly educated, beautiful and charming but later you discover that you are both incompatible. It is important to ask relevant questions and at the same time make your needs, likes, dislikes or particular expectations known so that the prospective partner has a chance also make an informed decision about marrying you. Ultimately Allah Ta’ala knows best which marriage is to be permanently blessed, which marriage will be ‘rocky’ from beginning to end and which marriages will end in failure. As we are clearly told, “all good and bad is from Allah” so we have to be prepared for all possibilities and go on asking our Creator for the good of this world and the good of the hereafter.
May Allah Ta’ala bless you and guide you in your decisions, ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai