How does a man propose to a woman?
Jazakallah for writing the institute regarding the method of proposal of marraige to a woman. Your mail is a very pertinent one since many young adults are faced with changing values and ideas regarding the choice of a marriage partner.
Let me remind you that when one seeks a partner, one is guided not to seek for wealth, beauty or nobility (status) in one’s future partner. The main criterion to seek in a partner should be ‘piety’. The recommended method is that you will announce to your parents and friends that you are ready for marriage.You will also convey to them what qualities you seek in a wife. You will be amazed how they will be able to mention ladies of outstanding qualities to you. This happens by “word of mouth and deed” so to speak. The pious young ladies who observe Allah Ta’ala’s commandments and who have good characters are known to those are of like mind. Their parents and family’s also wish for them to have pious upright husbands, so the network is vast. Once a young lady is mentioned to you, have a background check done on her. Eg. Her habits, hobbies, her character, type of friends she has, intelligence, her values etc. If you find that this information meets with your needs, you will make it known through contacts that you are interested in marriage with the said lady and that a meeting can be arranged with a view to marriage in mind.
Her family will in turn do a similar background check on you. If you meet with their criteria of a suitable match for their daughter, then arrangements will be made so that the two of you can meet and have a chance to decide for yourselves whether you wish to get married or not.
When you meet, you have the opportunity to let her know whatever you think she “has to know” about you and your personal dislikes/preferences. Likewise, she has the right to do so too. After all, you are both human and should be aware of your own failings/strong points and feel free to discuss these if you think it is important. If you both find that there is mutual ‘liking’ and respect at that point, you are free to ask your parents to go ahead with the proposal.
Please remember that the ‘other’ form of going with aunts or parents to ‘see’ women one after the other as if one is ‘window shopping’, is despised. It can cause a lot of grief and pain to the women if they find themselves attracted to you, they may find that they have fallen in love with you but you do not propose marriage to them after meeting them. This can cause feelings of worthlessness and despair in the women.
Needless to say, dating before marriage is not acceptable in Islam as a non-mahram woman is haraam to you as you are haraam to her. As Muslims, we have the most excellent traditions and examples of our beloved Prophet, Nabi(sallallaahu Alayhi wassallam) before us. He gave us clear guidelines and criteria on the all aspects of marriage. Most certainly as we claim our allegiance to Allah Ta’ala and we accept that He sent His most excellent creation, Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) to teach us our deen, so we should accept these guidelines on choosing a marital partner. May Allah Ta’ala grant you a pious wife,ameen
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Imraan Vawda