MY QUESTION IS REGARDING CONSTANT ILL-FEELINGS AND FREQUENT QUARRELS BETWEEN MY MOTHER AND MY SISTER-IN-LAW. IT HURTS ME A LOT THAT THEY CANNOT GET ALONG. MY MOM IS ALWAYS PICKING ON HER BEHIND HER BACK, AND MY SISTER-IN-LAW SPEAKS TO MY MOTHER WITH NO RESPECT, AND CREATES ILL-FEELINGS IN MY BROTHER’S HEART FOR MY MOTHER. ME, MY DAD, AND MY BROTHER HAVE TRIED TO RESOLVE THIS PROBLEM MANY TIMES BUT NOTHING WORKS, NO DISCUSSIONS WORK. MY MOM BACKBITES HER A LOT, I HAVE TOLD HER SEVERAL TIMES NOT TO DO THAT, BECAUSE IT FRUSTRATES ME SO MUCH THAT I START TO TALK ANGRILY WITH HER, KNOWING HOW BAD BACKBITING IS. BUT MY MOTHER THINKS I AM BACKING MY SISTER-IN-LAW WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG. IT SPOILS MY MOOD WHEN MY SISTER-IN-LAW TALKS TO MY MOTHER DISRESPECTFULLY. I GET ALONG WITH BOTH OF THEM, BUT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY CAN’T GET ALONG. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT THE SITUATION. YOUR HELP WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU FOR YOUR NOBLE SERVICES AMEEN.
We understand your plight. May Allah make it easy for you and your family.
There are three aspects to your query: A) Mother B) Sister in law c) restoring peace
At the outset it is important for you to understand that the status of a mother cannot be imajined. Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alayhi Wasallam) has mentioned that “Jannah lies beneth the feet of the mother”. Bearing this in mind it is not appropriate for you to cause any harm to your mother whatsoever.
Apart from the above it is important that you analyse the reason to the differences between your mother and sister in law and address the root cause of the problem. Until that is not diagnosed, the problem will continue to recur and never be resolved. You state that they are both on talking terms with you. We suggest that you intervene with the help of your father and resolve the issue with wisdom and diplomacy. You should understand that you cannot take sides nor mention who is wrong or right. You should concentrate on creating a healthy working relationship as a mother and daughter.
If there are any differences in the future, you could put some mechanisims to address the problem. Backbiting is not the ideal and that will create more differences and misunderstanding. Addressing issues face to face is the best and simple way to resolve differences. You should make your mother understand, that by making the daughter in law’s life difficult, she is jeopardizing the marital bond between her and her husband (your brother). Surely, no mother wishes for her sons marriage to end up in divorce.
In conclusion, you should know well, that every effoert that you make in trying to restore peace and harmony, you are been rewarded from the side of Allah. Do not consider this a small action, but your status in the sight of Allah and the angels are indeed high and lofty.
And Allah Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai