AsSalamu ‘Alaikum!
I reverted 5 years ago and I married shortly after that. I married a boy who I knew even before I reverted to Islam and we were in a relationship for 2 years before we married. I met him online and our relationship was in most part online. We met few times for few days because we lived in different countries. When we married I was 21 and he was 27 and we were both students. My family never knew I married him and I m Muslim. One year after our marriage I moved to another country for studies even though the real reason was because I wanted to live in a coutry where I can practise Islam freely and meet my husband without any restrictions. However, new country was shock for me. I struggled alot, mostly financially and mentally. I had nobody here and my husband was not providing for me, which I accepted as he was a student and he had a student job which was not enough to support both of us.
After few months I found job in a halal grocery store and there I met one men who liked me and wanted to marry me. He didnt know I was married and I didnt tell him at the beginning because I thought he will just leave. But he was persistant and by the time I told him I m married I already started liking him. I told my husband about everything and he became very angry. This new men at first didnt believe I m actually married so I told my husband to call him. So, they spoke on the phone to each other and I heard their conversation. My husband was very, very upset and he insulted me and insulted him and he told he will divorce me. He was very angry. After few days of him insulting me and calling me bad names, and me being more and more attracted to this new men, I asked him to divorce me and he said three times talaq at once. Both of us thought this is the right way to divorce. Now I understand that it was khula (because I asked for divorce), which I didnt know it existed before. hence, I never gave him anything back. Btw, my ex husband never gave me mahr because when we married I agreed that he will give me when he can, so there was nothing to give him back, except of a ring and a neklace which he gave me when we married. Then, I put myself into even bigger sin.. I actually “married” this new man a few days later. Shaytan anyhow put in my head that my previous marriage was not even valid so I can just marry this new man..Basically, shaytan put in my head that our marriage is not valid because my parents didnt agree (and they didnt agree because I never told them; and even if I told them they didnt need to agree as they are not Muslim)..I asked my ex husband to prove me that we actually married, to give me a nikkah certificate, but he didnt have it so thats what I did. My ex husband was telling me I m wrong but I didnt listen. There was no way for my ex husband to come because he needed visa..All of this happened online. He bought ticket to come but he never came as I was already with another men. It was all my big sin and my mistake. After few months I felt that my marriage with new man is not valid so I married him again (we again had nikkah). That was 3 years ago.
I blocked my ex husband everywhere that time and didnt have any communication with him in the meantime. 7 months ago my ex husband married another woman and I found that out on Facebook. I sent him a message to congratulate him and he replied…since then I am again in communication with him. After I first apologized to him for eerything bad I have done by leaving him for other man he started saying he still loves me and finally, he offered me to be his second wife. All of this has been killing me for thr past few months. I told him clearly that I will never be his second wife and that all I want is that he leaves me alone because I did wrong to him so I should suffer for this now, not him. But he keeps texting me. I blocked him everywhere but then I unblock him..I have no job, dont have children, I m at home all day so I have plenty free time to think and do wrong..I live in a country where I dont even understand the language well and I have no friends here. Few weeks ago I told my husband about all of this and he told me to stop communication with him and I said I will. I haven’t spoken to him since but he is still texting me and I feel like I want to die..I dont know what to do..Sometimes I feel like our marriage is still valid, sometimes I think not..then i start thinking bad about my husband because he knew my situation but we still “married” and now he tells me to just forget. I feel like I am just a thing going from one men’s hands to another and I dont know what is going on.
My ex husband says that I was affected by black magic that time because what I did to him was beyond imagination. I agree that what I did was totally not me, but I cant say it was black magic..my ex husband say that my current husband did black magic on me to get me..I dont know what to think. I have nobody to share this story with..nobody. I did wrong and I accept this, I accept that my whole life will be hell and that Allah will not forgive me in next life but I dont want that other people suffer for me. My ex says he is like dead since I left him, my current husband is also suffering now because I told him how I feel and our marriage is affected much..and obviously, I dont want to spend whole life in zina..it all happened because of me but I want to fix things if it is possible..I just want to know what is right and what is wrong. I dont know what to do or think. Please give me advice.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
You have sent a lengthy email explaining your situation and asking for advice.
It is pleasing to note that Allah Ta’ala has blessed you with Islam. We make Dua Allah Ta’ala keep you steadfast on Islam and May Allah Ta’ala ease your situation. Ameen.
Sister , you mention that you accept you have done wrong and that Allah Ta’ala will not forgive you in the next life. This is a negative way of thinking and feeling. A Muslim is always positive . Remember Allah Ta’ala is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful . Allah Ta’ala forgives all sins . Turn to Allah Ta’ala and beg for His forgiveness and mercy. Allah Ta’ala loves those who ask Him for forgiveness .
Allah Ta’ala says in the Quran :
” قُلْ يَاعِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ ” [الزمر: 53]
Translation:“Say O my servants who have wronged their souls! Never lose hope in Allah’s mercy. Verily Allah forgives all sins .Undoubtedly he is the most forgiving the most merciful”.
See the following Ahadeeth:
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ:” التَّائِبُ مِنَ الذَّنْبِ، كَمَنْ لَا ذَنْبَ لَهُ ” (سنن ابن ماجه) 2/1419
Translation: The messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has said :”The one who repents from sin is like the one who did not sin”.
التائب حبيب الله” قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ:”
Translation: The messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has said :”The one who repents is Allah’s beloved”.
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم:” والذي نفسي بيده لو لم تذنبوا لذهب الله بكم، ولجاء بقوم يذنبون، فيستغفرون الله فيغفر لهم ” (صحيح مسلم) 4/2106
Translation: The messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has said :”By him in whose hand is my life, if you were not to commit a sin , Allah would cease your existence and he would replace you with those who will commit sin and seek forgiveness from him, and he would forgive them”.
You mention that you asked for a divorce and your husband obliged by giving you three Talaaqs. That constituted a Talaaq-e-Mugallazah ( a permanently irrevocable divorce). Your Nikah had terminated with the three divorces. That is not Khula. You do not owe your ex-husband anything.
According to your explanation, you were in a relationship with your first husband before marrying him and this was the case with your second husband as well. Talking to unmarried and Ghair Mahram men or being in a relationship with them is totally forbidden in Islam.
Allah Ta’ala says in the Quran :
” وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا ” [الإسراء: 32]
Translation: ” And do not even go near to fornication. It is truly an indecent act and the worst of ways” ( Surah Bani Israeel 32)
You mention that you do not want to live in Zina your entire life . Hence, immediately stop all communications with your ex-husband as this is Haram and a form of Zina. It is also affecting your current marriage. Do not believe your ex-husband on the issue of black magic. This is Shaytans way of poisoning your mind and creating imbalances in your feelings. Your present husband has all the right to be upset and angry. Inform your husband you are stopping all contact with your ex-husband and seek his forgiveness for violating his right.
We advise you to be content with your marriage. Use your free time to make Ibadah. Recite Quran and make Zikr. Obtain Islamic literature and read that. Value your free time and do not get caught in the trap of Shaytan.
You may also listen to the talks of Mufti Ebrahim Desai on the Qaseedah Burdah which you may access at the following link:
Also refer to the Ideal women website. www. idealwomen .org
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ahmad Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[1 الأصل للشيباني ط قطر (2/ 235 وأما المرأة الحرة التي لا نكاح بينه وبينها ولا حرمة ممن يحل له نكاحها فليس ينبغي له أن ينظر إلى شئ منها مكشوفاً إلا الوجه والكف.
النتف في الفتاوى (1/ 261 [2
واما العدة في جميع الفرق كلها من قبل الرجل والمرأة في طلاق رجعي او بائن واحدة كان الطلاق او ثنتين او ثلاث في نكاح صحيح او فاسد او بشبهة او وطى ء صحيح او فاسد او بشبهة او عدة وفاة او غير ذلك فانها تمنع نكاح الغير ولا تمنع نكاح الذي تعتد منه الا ان تكون حرمت عليه بثلاث ان كانت حرة وثنتين أن كانت أمة الكفر.
مختصر القدوري (ص: 163) [3
ذا اشتاق الزوجان وخافا أن لا يقيما حدود الله فلا بأس أن تفتدي نفسها منه بمال يخلعها به فإذ فعل ذلك وقع بالخلع تطليقة بائنة ولزمها المال.
مختصر القدوري (ص: 163) [4
وما جاز أن يكون مهرا جاز أن يكون بدلا في الخل.