I have a peculiar situation that has dragged on much more than desired.
I was blessed with a baby boy, Alhamdulillah, on Feb 23 and since then things have gone downhill in my relations with my wife. Child was delivered normally and his mom was healthy too, but was claiming to be in pain/unwell. They got discharged within a few days and bill was settled by me.
It took me a while to name the child and I named him after one of angels of Allah. To this, she got unhappy, claiming I didnt consult her, when it was she who had asked me to name him. But it was clear to me that her family member were engaging in gheebah and poisoning her mind. She refused to send the childs photo to me, nor did she call my mom. She used to have great relations with both of us.
Around the 30 day mark – March 20, My mother spoke to her mother to get the circumcision done close to our house. Her mother agreed, but said they would take her back.
I sensed a problem and spoke to wife to come home and she refused saying her parents were refusing. I spoke to her mom and she blasted me on the phone of not having done enough for her.
March 28 – I visited their house to sort out the matter amicably, but things went sour. They kept accusing me of all bad things, and her mother claimed in clear words that her daughter has not shortcomings at all. So, I warned them to send her the very next day or face consequences. Her uncle then interferred and asked her to take her next week, which they didnt initiate.
April 14 – We decided to get the circumcision close to her house. Spoke and counselled her for 2 weeks to ask her to come, but in vain. Her mother would answer my wife’s cell phone.
April 15 – Our 1st anniversary. We went out, had lunch and I tried to bring her back. She refused.
Went to her house on 3 different days and tried to show my love towards her. She didnt agree, though we had sex during these days, the last of which I touched or saw my wife.
April 27 – She left a feeding infant at home and went shopping and didnt return my call for 3 hours. I got upset and decided that if I dont bring her now, I will lose my love forever.
April 28 – Warned her father and gave 3 days to either send her or face consequences and gave a date of May 1. Again, no heed.
So on May, I sent all her belongings which scared and upset them. I decided to handover the gold on coming Sunday and aksed her father to meet me in a masjid. They thought I was divorcing her. Her Father is hen-pecked and surrenders to his wife and his wifes brother for all matters.
May 6 – So before I could reach, they came to my house early morning and started yelling and shouting and threatening, but later realized I wasnt divorcing her. I asked them to bring my wife to my house to sort out the issues. They havent done that.
Ramadan Eid – No call
All this while my wife hasnt sent a single photo of my child.
June 26 – Her grandmother expired. My mother and sister went there, but they didnt initiate sending her. My sister learnt from my wife that she has joined a gym. I had clearly refused this request of hers. So I really dont know what else has she been doing behind me.
So we didnt go on the 40th day of mourning, even though they asked us to come.
Now there is no contact whatsoever. I cant bend my back further after asking her to come more than 10 times.
There is too much distress already, and I am now emotionally detached to my wife’s well-being and welfare. And its just me and my mom that live here, with no interference from any of my siblings or relatives.
Kindly suggest. People I consulted are not allowing Talaaq. Some suggest they be pushed for Khula. Some say marry another one.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We take note of your details referred to in the query.
Every story has two sides.
You have tried all possible means to normalize your marriage and get her back. Unfortunately, those means were unsuccessful.
Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. Everyone has ups & downs and short comings. No one is perfect. Try your best to overcome these difficulties and handle a matter with maturity, wisdom and patience.
Since you have a child, a home with joint parental attention is better than a broken home.
We advise you to appoint an influential person to consult the issue with your wife. The person should be able to offer her correct and wise counsel.
Be positive and focus on making the marriage work. If you are determined to sacrifice in making the marriage a success, Allah will be on your side.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mirza Mahmood Baig
Student Darul Iftaa
Jeddah, KSA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
