I am a practicing Muslimah and try to remain as steadfast as I can on the deen. I am also a very loyal wife. I take care of my husband and go to any length possible (even if it’s very difficult for me) to make sure that he is happy and that I always provide support and understanding for him in any and all matters.
My husband is really honest, loving, pious and unlike a lot of other men because he doesn’t really think about women. He is preoccupied with work (which is something he really loves), food, cars, travel and studying the deen that he doesn’t have time/energy or desire to look at them. He doesn’t show any strong or uncontrollable inclination towards them. He doesn’t even seem to want anything outside of our monogamous marriage. While he loves me more than anyone in his life and fulfills all of my rights like I fulfill his, his attraction to me isn’t like the strong attraction of most stereotypical men towards their wives/women in general. I am happy with my husband and am working to earn the pleasure of Allah alongside him.
The greatest gift in Jannah is to see Allah and for me, after that, it’s to have exactly what I have now in the dunya: a husband who only has eyes for me. A husband who doesn’t even feel a need or desire to search for marital bliss, happiness or pleasure anywhere outside of our relationship. This is the greatest wish I have and Alhamdulillah Allah has fulfilled it in the dunya. Can I also have this in the aakhirah? Would it be impermissible to ask for this?
I know that we need to worry about attaining Jannah first. I also understand that no feelings of jealousy will arise there. However, men want women who’ve never been touched by anyone and who are their’s and their’s alone and are devoted to them. Allah honors the ghairah of men by making any and all women who they will receive in the hereafter, theirs alone. I want one husband (InshaAllah the same one) in both worlds but I also want that husband to be mine the same way a man wants a woman to be his. I want whoever my spouse is in the aakhirah to get everything of a spousal relationship he could possibly want/seek from me so much so that there isn’t a need for any other.
Just like Allah created feelings in men, he has also created feelings in women. Men like women and women like men perhaps to varying degree. Men want fidelity whether in monogamous relationships or polygamous relationships and women want fidelity too just as much as men.
This is my greatest wish apart from seeing Allah. And if everyone gets what they want in Jannah, is it possible for me to have what I want? Is it possible that if a man also only wants to be with his wife from the dunya he can ask Allah to be just her’s?
I’d really appreciate an answer to this question because while I will never stop practicing InshaAllah, the discouraging rhetoric of many men trying to dictate what they believe a Muslim woman’s feelings should and shouldn’t be and that she shouldn’t want certain things or stop asking and has a lapse of faith if she does while they don’t have to even think about a single unfulfilled desire, really makes it difficult for me to sleep at night, it makes it difficult for me to be happy, to love my husband and even to have proper kushoo in my salah.
I’ve gotten to a point where I feel like maybe I shouldn’t want anything because what I want the most seems to be an impossible thing. It makes want to be just emotionally numb. It makes me want to somehow force myself to not love my husband so I can better comply with my faith while also forcing myself to be happy or fake being happy in order not to disturb him. This is really difficult and painful. Now, every time I see him I just get sad even though I can’t think of a better person in my life and any better blessing.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam.
We do not understand your difficulty and anxiety. You wish to have your husbands eye falls only on you. That will surely be achieved if Allah grants you Jannah.
Allah says,
وَلَكُمْ فِيهَا مَا تَشْتَهِي أَنْفُسُكُمْ وَلَكُمْ فِيهَا مَا تَدَّعُونَ فصلت: 31
And in Jannah you will get whatever your souls desire and whatever you ask for.
Instead of focussing on having your husbands permanent eye on you, focus on dying with Imaan and entrance into Jannah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Huzaifah Deedat
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
__________________
المعجم الأوسط- مكتبة الرشد (3/ 279)
قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، أَنِسَاءُ الدُّنْيَا أَفْضَلُ أَمُ الْحُورُ الْعِينُ؟ قَالَ: «بَلْ نِسَاءُ الدُّنْيَا أَفْضَلُ مِنَ الْحُورِ الْعَيْنِ كَفَضْلِ الظَّهَارَةِ عَلَى الْبِطَانَةِ» . قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَبِمَ ذَاكَ؟ قَالَ: «بِصَلَاتِهِنَّ وَصِيَامِهِنَّ وَعِبَادِتِهِنَّ لِلَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ، أَلْبَسَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وُجُوهَهُنَّ النُّورَ وَأَجْسَادَهُنَّ الْحَرِيرَ، بِيضُ الْأَلْوَانِ، خُضْرُ الثِّيَابِ، صُفْرُ الْحُلِيِّ مَجَامِرُهُنَّ الدُّرُّ، وأَمْشَاطُهُنَّ الذَّهَبُ، يَقُلْنَ: أَلَا نَحْنُ الْخَالِدَاتُ فَلَا نَمُوتُ أَبَدًا، أَلَا وَنَحْنُ النَّاعِمَاتُ فَلَا نَبْؤُسُ أَبَدًا، أَلَا وَنَحْنُ الْمُقِيمَاتُ فَلَا نَظْعَنُ أَبَدًا، أَلَا وَنَحْنُ الرَّاضِيَاتُ فَلَا نَسْخَطُ أَبَدًا، طُوبَى لِمَنْ كُنَّا لَهُ وَكَانَ لَنَا»
تفسير ابن كثير -جلد 4 – ص372 -قديمى كتب خانه