Assalamu Alaikum… I would kindly appreciate some islamic advice on this case. If one knows one of your parents(the father) uses tobacco and weed and frequently asks for money mostly for substance use. Are children suppose to comply? In many cases when the parent is asked what the money is needed the parent would get upset, raise his voice and become defensive and say irrational things to his spouse and children. The mother of the household doesnt use any form of substance and when provided with money from her children spends it on day-to-day necessities. Despite all the substance abuse issues, the father has been taking care of the family’s needs for many years. The children and spouse have tried to speak to the father but he seems to think everyone is against him. Should the children give their father the money and leave the rest to Allah SWT so that there will be peace in the home?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We understand the difficulties the family is facing, may Allah Taala give them patience and a peaceful life. Ameen
In principle, it is not permissible for children or spouse to buy any substance related material for the father. Rasulullah has stated in a hadith,
لا طاعةَ في معصيةِ اللهِ، إنما الطاعةُ في المعروفِ
There is no obedience in matters involving disobedience to Allah. Obedience is in matters which are good and universally recognized. 1
Firstly, we would like you to understand that your father is a good person that has been caught up with a very bad habit. However, there are a few suggestions that you may consider to help your father:
- A person who has an addiction will not want to stop unless they admit first that they have a problem. Therefore, you will need to convince your father to want to stop for himself and not just stop because someone else wants him to.
- Win your fathers heart and trust by being good to him. Be tactful and discuss the matter by expressing your concern about him.
- Give him examples of how his habit is effecting your family.
- You can involve a local influential Alim so that he can talk to your father directly and help him out.
- If your fathers habit is encouraged due to his friends. Tell him to stay away from such people and introduce him to good people that will have a good effect on him like Ulama, Mashaikh, Tablighee brothers and the pious.
In the meantime, you and your family should also seek professional help or help to process your own feelings regarding this situation. The ideal situation would be to find trained or experienced Muslim professionals in your area to get some training on how to deal with the situation that you are confronted with daily.
You should also remember that addictions aren’t easy to reverse. Recovering from any problem can be a long and difficult process. Make dua that Allah guides your father out of these sinful habit. Respect your father to the best of your ability and remind him of his wrongful nature as best as you can.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
سنن أبي داود –دار الرسالة العالمية (4/ 265)
حدَّثنا عَمرو بن مَرزُوقِ، أخبرنا شعبةُ، عن زُبَيدٍ، عن سَعد بن عُبيدةَ، عن أبي عبدِ الرحمن السُّلَميِّ
عن علي: أن رسولَ الله -صلَّى الله عليه وسلم- بَعَثَ جيشاً وأَمَّرَ عليهم رجلاً، وأمَرَهُم أن يَسمَعُوا له ويُطيعوا، فأجَّجَ ناراً وأمَرَهُم أن يَقتحِمُوا فيها، فأبَى قومٌ أن يدخُلُوها، وقالوا: إنما فَرَرْنا من النار، وأراد قومٌ أن يدخُلُوها، فبلغ ذلك النبيَّ -صلَّى الله عليه وسلم- فقال: “لَو دخلُوها -أو دخَلُوا فيها- لم يزالُوا فيها”.
وقال: ” لا طاعةَ في معصيةِ اللهِ، إنما الطاعةُ في المعروفِ