Approaching parents for marriage

I hope and pray that this letter reaches you in the best of health and Imaan.

I am a student at University and for the past year I have been going through some problems. I feel as if I need to get married in order for me to able to safeguard myself from sins. I also feel as if I need to be with someone in order to discuss my problems. I therefore have continuously prayed to Allah asking him to grant me a suitable spouse. I have thought about telling my parents but they would say that I am too young and irresponsible to get married. Please advise me on what to do.

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

The decision to get married is a most important and challenging decision. It should not be done haphazardly. Getting married requires lots of mashwarah, istikhaarah and dua. One must realise that choosing a spouse is a lifelong decision and an enormous commitment.

Nonetheless, especially in these days of immorality and shamelessness, it is advisable to get married as soon as possible. Consider the following hadith:

عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، قَالَ: بَيْنَا أَنَا أَمْشِي، مَعَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، فَقَالَ: كُنَّا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَقَالَ: «مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ» 

Narrated ‘Alqama: While I was walking with `Abdullah he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet (ﷺ) and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.” [1]

In your case, you were right to think about letting your parents know about your desire to get married. When getting married, it is of utmost importance to have the parents’ support and approval. You should kindly approach them in a most dignified and respectful way and kindly explain to them your predicament. You may respectfully quote the aforementioned hadith to them too. Inshallah, they will understand your situation and guide you with their wisdom and experience. We also make dua that Allah helps you find a suitable spouse. Aameen.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Muhammad Haris Siddiqui

Student Darul Iftaa
Melbourne, Australia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.